The Everlasting
by Chapilliams
Summary: It's Claire's wedding day and Alex has to keep her from going through with it. Things quickly escalate and Claire is left with a broken heart. Will she manage to pull through or will the hurt keep haunting her?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 - You Ruined Me**

"Hi" a low voice reached her from the other end of the room. She turned around slowly and a smile spread on her lips as soon as she realised who it was. Alex. She hadn't expected to see him before the ceremony. A bunch of nervous butterflies started to make a notice of themselves in her stomach. She took a deep breath and breathed out. "Hi" she answered him nervously and watched him take a careful step forward.  
He was thrown back by how beautiful she looked and for a moment he managed to put aside what he came there to do and just adore her, take in her presence. He returned her smile but the reason for him being there started to find its way back to him, hitting him like a brick - It didn't allow him to think of anything else but that. He took his eyes of her and looked at his feet. He knew he had to do it but how could he? How could he stand in front of her like this, well-knowing that what he was about to say would ruin absolutely everything. How could he take away her happiness?  
"Is everything alright?" Claire asked and walked towards him with a frown on her face. His expression started to scare her, she had never seen him like this before. He sighed and looked back at her. Her presence made everything so much harder than he had expected it to be. "We need to talk" was all he said and walked further into her bedroom, battling whether or not to tell her.  
"I'm kinda letting people wait out there" she said as her cheeky self hoping to lighten his mood but it didn't. His expression stayed the same. Serious, sad and nervous. "Oh, you have time for this. Believe me" he continued and shook his head. Not only was he aching because he knew he was about to shatter the happiness for the only person he ever truly cared for but he was feeling outraged at the same time. How could someone do this to her?  
"Alex what is it? You are scaring me now"  
"You can't marry Peter" he said as collected as he could. "What?" Claire snorted trying to understand where he was coming from but he didn't answer. She felt a bit of anger crawl its way to her. How could he do this to her. How could he stand in front of her minutes before she was about to marry Peter, saying she couldn't. He kept looking at her in all seriousness and his eyes didn't hide the ache he was feeling. "Alex?" her voice changed to a more firm one. "He's already married" he blurred out, not giving much thought of how to get the actual words out. It wasn't something he could wrap up as something nice, it would destroy her either way.  
She was thrown back. Married? What was he talking about - Peter wasn't married. He was about to get married, to her, _now_. "What …" She said confused but then she felt herself getting angry at him. He couldn't just walk up here and tell things like this. If he wanted more from her, he should have taken his chance when he had it. "I know you don't like him, but this is low, even for you!" The anger in her voice made him look hurtful at her, questioning how she could think that off him. She took a step back, realising this wasn't a poor attempt of a joke. "I don't believe it" she said in the most firm and collected voice she could find but she couldn't even fool herself.  
"Her name is Julia. They have two kids together and they live in Queensland" He said with tears to his eyes and pulled out an envelope from his pocket. It killed him to say it, more than she would ever know. In that moment he cursed not only Peter for putting Claire through this but also Harry. It hadn't been more than an hour ago Harry pulled Alex and Nick aside, letting them know what he had dug up in his search to find something on Peter - something he could use to ruin his business but he had no idea he would come across something like this. And now Alex was left with the option to hurt Claire now, or later. Nick hadn't agreed on telling it to her now, but Alex couldn't let her marry someone like him - She would hate him forever if she found out he knew before the wedding and didn't say anything. Sure she was going to hate him now but it wouldn't last.  
"Give me that!" she hissed and pulled the envelope out of his hand. She carefully skimmed through it and then tears started to fill her eyes. She felt her hands starting to shake and a lump in her throat started to grow. "Claire …" he said and took a step closer to her, wanting to put a hand on her shoulder but she stopped him and took a step back. She couldn't believe this. Any of this. Moments ago she had it all and now everything was getting wiped away under her. She felt her heart break in a million of pieces.  
A desperate knock sounded on the half closed door followed by Peter's voice. "I know it's bad luck to see the bride before the altar but is everything okay? We've waited 45 minutes" he looked happy and had the biggest smile on his face as he walked in - until he saw Claire's smeared makeup. He quickly looked at Alex, almost as he was blaming him for Claire's tears. "What is it Claire? What's wrong?" he asked and walked passed Alex, eager to get to her. "Is it true?!" Claire asked with teary voice and a harsh look met him. "What is true?" he asked confused, trying to figure out what Claire was on about. "You married?" she managed to dig out that piece of strength in her that hadn't been completely lost yet. Peter went quiet, it threw him off guard and he had the look everyone else had when they got caught in a lie. "No!" he exclaimed but it only made Claire snort. "You have a wife and two kids in Queensland. Stop lying!" she said and threw the envelope in his face.  
"Claire, listen to me - It's not as it looks" he said as he took his eyes off the note. "Do you mind? Can I talk with Claire alone?" Peter asked irritated, knowing Alex in fact was the cause to Claire's tears now, just not in the way he thought when he first entered the room.  
"I'm not going anywhere" Alex answered cold blooded. Peter had hurt Claire enough, he wouldn't let him hurt her any more than he had and it took everything in his power not to swing a punch at him.  
"We are seperated, Claire. Believe me" Peter spoke again, trying to ignore Alex's presence in the room. "Believe you? How should I believe you?!" She asked with the same firm voice and silent tears rushing down her cheeks. He walked closer to her and put his hand on her shoulder, but she pushed him away and took a step back instead. "I was about to walk out there and make a complete fool of myself. Do you understand what you have done?!" She yelled - And in that moment it felt like someone was stabbing her in the heart with a handful of knives. All the things that had lead to this exact moment was gone, killed. There was nothing left. Peter looked at her with a great deal of pain in his eyes but she couldn't feel sorry for him. He had broken her. In a matter of a couple of minutes he had managed to break her completely.  
"Claire, please" he begged but she didn't flinch. She turned around facing the window, his presence was too much to deal with. She closed her eyes and more tears started to fall in a steady stream, heavy but silent. Voices from outside reached her and her heart shattered even more, reminded of what she had just lost.  
"Could you leave?" She suddenly heard Peter ask. His voice was cold, nothing like she had ever heard before. She knew he was talking to Alex, without even looking their way. "No" was all he said. Nothing more, nothing less. "This is between Claire and I!" her name on Peter's lips caused a stir in her and she opened her eyes again - Somehow hoping everything would be better, but it wasn't. She looked down herself. The white dress shattered the last remaining piece of her heart and she felt like screaming, crying, yell at them to leave her alone but she remained silent.  
"Like hell I'm leaving Claire alone with you!" Alex said with a voice saying he'd had enough of all Peter's bullshit. "You are _nothing_ but a pathetic, cheating bastard!" he continued and walked towards Peter, one step at the time. Everything about him despite him and the urge to swing a punch at him was getting harder to resist.  
The words hit Peter like a ton of bricks and without much thought he pushed to Alex, hard enough to force him a couple of steps back. Alex breathed out slowly, shaking his head - His eyes was burning and he couldn't fight the urge to plant a fist right in his stupid face anymore.  
"You want some?" Alex asked with a harsh voice and flung his arms threatenly to the sides. He had nothing left for someone like Peter and before he knew it, he found himself swinging a arm right in his direction, hitting him straight on the side of the head.  
"You should have left when you had the chance!" Peter yelled and punched Alex right on the nose, making a heavy stream of blood run down his face. Before Claire could react to anything, the two of them was going at each other, right in the middle of her bedroom. A feeling of panic started to travel through her body, not knowing what to do to break them off - She tried calling them out but in vain. Everything was happening so fast and it was becoming unreal. She woke that morning, expecting this to be the greatest day of her life and instead, she woke to a nightmare.  
"Hey, hey, HEY! - That's enough!" a voice suddenly sounded from the door. _Nick._ He quickly got between the two of them, preventing anymore punches from happening. He looked towards Claire and got met by a makeup smeared face, telling him just how devastated she was.  
"What's taking so … long" Tess's voice sounded, surprised by the sight in front of her. She scanned the room, looked at both Alex and Peter, and then at Claire. She rushed to Claire's side as soon as she realised she was crying. "What's going on?" She asked and was starting to freak out. She had left the room 20 minutes ago to tell everyone they was ready for the ceremony to begin - getting back to see this wasn't exactly what she had imagined.  
"Claire, please" Peter begged again and freed himself from the tight grip Nick had on him, keeping him and Alex from each other. "You have to talk to me!" he continued and walked towards her. He placed both his hands on her shoulders, just as he had earlier and seeked her eyes. She snivelled and looked away from him, feeling a new stream of tears ready to rush down her cheeks. "I don't want to hear it" Claire almost whispered, trying to stop crying. "Claire .. I love you! Please, let me fix this" but his pleading didn't get him far - At once Claire's crying stopped, she somehow managed to get it under control and then she looked back at him. Dead cold, no feelings, no life to show.  
"I don't care if you love me. You've ruined me!" She almost yelled. She looked down at the floor and took a moment to gather herself. "You ruined us…" she almost whispered. And with those words she stormed out of the bedroom, ready to escape the great nightmare that took place in front of her - She had no idea where to go but she had to get as far away from this whole mess as she possibly could. As she reached the bottom of the stairs she heard Tess call out for her at the top, telling her to stay. It made her stop for a brief moment and look back up the stairs. She couldn't stay in the house any longer.  
She made a run for it through the kitchen, hoping none of the guests would be out back. She felt a sting to her heart as she thought about all the people waiting for a perfect wedding, on what was supposed to be a magical day for her.  
She squeezed her eyes tight, trying not to cry as she scanned the area for any people - No one in sight. With great pace she ran towards the ute at the stables, cursing to herself for wearing a stupid wedding dress, making it much harder to run than it had to.  
She quickly searched the glove compartment for the keys and with fumbling hands she got the engine going. She took a deep breath and leaned back in the seat. Was this what she had become - A runaway bride?  
She felt the hurt consume her slowly and she didn't know what to do to make it stop. It felt like it was pulling her under water and she was desperately padding to stay above. She felt like a fool for not seeing this. She never trusted anyone enough to put down her guard and let them inside, but with Peter - With Peter, it was different. She fell in love with him so quickly and everything seemed more real, more perfect at his side. A couple of tears started to roll down her cheeks - How could love hurt this much?  
The hurt that started to consume her was slowly being replaced by a anger she had never felt before - It scared her a bit, to feel these sort of feelings, but it only confirmed how invested she was in her life with Peter. She wanted everything with him but the man she thought she knew, was gone and she kept questioning herself how he could do this to her - Didn't he love her? She shook her head - It ached too much.  
" **CLAAAIRE!** " She suddenly heard Tess call out and she looked in the rearview mirror. They were all there. Tess, Alex, Nick - Even Meg had joined them but no Peter. She wasn't sure if she had expected him to follow her out. A part of her wished he had but the other part of her never wanted to see him again. Tess started to walk towards the ute but she couldn't deal with her right now. She couldn't deal with any of them. All she wanted was to be alone and clear her thoughts. She tightened her grip around the steering wheel and put the car in reverse, which only made Tess call out once again. She took a quick look around, making sure no one was in the way and then she speeded up, and disappeared down the driveway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 - Love Hurts**

She wasn't sure just how long she had been sitting there - Long, was her guess as the sun was about to disappear behind the bouncy hills in the distant. She took in a breath of air and dried away the last of the tears that had fallen. She couldn't cry anymore, she had no tears to give off - She felt empty inside. Like she just lost a huge part of herself. Well, in a way she did. She sighed and looked to the ground. Her silver sparkling stilettos, that Tess had insisted she'd buy for the wedding was all mudded, just like the end of her dress was.  
She took the fabric in her hand and ran a couple of fingers over it. She really wanted this. She really wanted the life that had been ahead of her. She tried so hard to find a reason for it all. To justify what Peter had done but she couldn't. No matter how she looked at it, it didn't make any sense to her. All she knew was, that everything she had ever wanted was slipping away from her and that seeing Peter, ever again, was the last thing she wanted.  
She startled as a branch snapped behind her. She turned around to see Alex making his way through the bushes. He was still in his black and white suit, only difference was, that the white shirt had a bunch of red stained marks from his bleeding nose.  
"You could have found an easier place to hide, you know?" He said. He tried to joke, as he always did buy Claire ignored him and turned her focus to the hills again. A part of her was angry at Alex for ruining her big day. She knew it wasn't fair to be angry at him, but she was - it somehow felt like he robbed her for everything she had.  
"... or here is fine" he continued, even though Claire could care less about what he said. He placed himself on the stump next to her and looked at her. She didn't even flinch. She kept looking ahead, taking no notice of him.  
They sat in silence for a moment. Both looking at the sun that was nearly gone. Normally the orange color would have been an amazing scenery, but none of them saw the beauty in it right now. "Claire I'm …" He suddenly spoke but he didn't get to finish. He had barely opened his mouth before Claire turned to him and pushed him off the stump. She wasn't sure why she did it but his presence frustrated her so much and along with everything else she was feeling, he couldn't do that. Not now.  
"What the hell Claire?!" Alex stated and looked confused at her. He got on his feet again and dusted off his pants. "What's that for? What did I do?"  
Claire ignored his question and got up from the stump herself. She started to walk back the way he came from, she couldn't stay. She was one big mess, every emotion was spinning around inside of her and she didn't know what was up and down - She needed to be alone. But Alex grabbed her arm and forced her to turn and face him. "I've been driving around the past 2 hours to find you. Everyone is worried! The least you can do is talk to me" he said with a firm voice and gave her a sympathetic look. He knew she was suffering, but hiding and running away didn't help anything.  
"I don't want to talk! I want to be left alone!" Claire yelled and pulled her arm out of his grip. He sighed and took a step towards her. "We have to talk at some point" Alex stated and looked at her with begging eyes.  
"I have nothing to say to you …" Claire said ice cold and pierced her eyes into his. She didn't know where all of this was coming from, she had no control of what got out of her mouth. Alex shook his head and sighed - Should he have listened to Nick and not tell her anything? "You took away everything from me - I was happy!" Claire continued and by now tears was running down her face. "Everything, Alex" she spoke again and started to hit him out of frustration. "Dammit Claire!" he said and grabbed her hands, so she couldn't hit him again. "Would you rather I hadn't said anything? Would you rather have married him and found out after the wedding? I did what I would have wanted you to do for me!"  
By now Claire's crying had stopped, surprised by Alex's strong will and harsh words. No, she wouldn't have wanted to hear after the wedding and she would have done the same for him but the thing was - That right now, she'd rather not have known at all. Of course that option wasn't a lasting option, she just had a really hard time understanding how any of this could happen to her.  
She shook her head and looked at the ground underneath her feet. The sun was almost gone now and it was only a matter of time before the night came. She looked back up at Alex, a single tear falling to her cheek and eyes telling him she was sorry for reacting this way. He gently shook his head and pulled her head to his chest and hugged her tight. With gentle touches he stroke her up and down her back, her cold skin under his warm hand indicated that the temperatures was starting to drop to a point where the cold would set in. Australia was a weird country to live in at times. It could be warm during day and be freezing cold during the night - but they was heading towards winter after all, so the temperature drop was natural.  
"Here" he suddenly said and took of his jacket, covering her bare shoulders with it. Claire snivelled and dried her eyes, probably for the hundred time that day. "No, you'll need it yourself" she said and was about to take it off, but Alex stopped her and gave her a reassuring smile. "That depends how long you plan on setting up camp out here" he joked, forcing a tiny smile out of Claire but it disappeared just as soon as it showed. "I'm fine, don't worry, okay?" he said and placed his hand on her shoulder. She nodded and the same tiny smile appeared. He guided her back to the stump with a hand on the small of her back, and sat down next to her - slowly feeling the wind break through the thin layer on his shirt.  
"So, do you hate me?" he asked and pushed to her knee with his. She looked at him and somehow he had managed to draw out an even bigger smile this time. No, she didn't hate him - She couldn't hate him.  
"No" she said and shook her head "I don't hate you"  
"Then talk to me, will ya?" He pleaded and watched how her smile disappeared and eyes got watery again. "I don't know what to say. Everything's a mess. I .. I don't understand anything, Alex" She said and felt a stream of tears rush down her cheeks. This was why she wanted to be alone, she couldn't even understand things herself, how could she possibly explain it to others?  
Alex gave her a comforting smile and without knowing why, he dried away her tears with her thumb. It surprised him just as much as it surprised Claire. They never found themselves in moment like these but his touch made her feel safe, made her feel protected - It made her feel like she could pour her heart out to him and he'd understand.  
"I feel so empty inside" she cried and buried her head in her hands. Everything was hurting and she couldn't make it stop. It ached his heart seeing her like this. They had known each other for many years and he had never seen her this heartbroken before - It was almost like he could feel how her heart was slowly tearing itself apart. "Come here" he said and pulled her in making her cry as loud and ugly into his shirt as she needed.  
"We'll get through this. We'll figure something out, don't you worry" he tried to comfort her as he stroke her hair.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 - How Could He Do This?**

"I'm sorry" Claire said and looked at his shirt as she pulled away from his arms. He had held until her crying stopped and when it started again - She didn't know how long that was, but long enough for her to feel like she had used up all her tears, at least for know.  
He looked down his shirt covered in black, wet spots from her crying and smiled at her. "Don't worry. An idiot bled on the shirt anyway" his comment made her laugh. "I'm sorry about that too" she said and suddenly remembered the fight between him and Peter. They had been out there for an hour, maybe more and she hadn't even thought about asking how he was feeling.  
"Your nose, does it hurt a lot?" she asked and studied his face, seeing how bruises already had found their way to his skin. "Nah" Alex said and shook his head. "I've gotten worse hit in my life so far and probably will again"  
"That's not comforting at all" Claire said and couldn't help but snort and laugh a little. "I suppose not" he answered and joined in on the laughing.  
"Are you ready to come back with me?" he asked as their laughing started to wear down. She frowned and felt a lump in her throat. Going back meant she had to face reality, face Peter and she wasn't sure she could do that just yet. She sighed and looked out in the night sky. "I don't know if I can"  
"Claire …" Alex said and took her hands in his. "Peter won't be there waiting, if that is what you worry about"  
She looked at him with tears in her eyes. So much for not having anymore tears to cry. "Alex, I _left_ him on our wedding day and all the guests .."  
"You are not the first bride to change her mind, and no ones there" he said and gave her a comforting smile but all she did was look away. She couldn't face any of them. "Hey" Alex said gently and forced her to look at him. "You are not alone, Claire. We all have your back"  
His words made a single tear fall from her eye. How did he do it? How did he make the biggest of problem sound like nothing. "Okay?" he asked, waiting for some kind of response from her. She nodded. Okay, she was going back to face her problems and sort out this whole mess.  
They walked down the narrow path back to the cars. Alex making sure to clear the way in front of her until they reached them.  
"Here" Claire said and took off his jacket. He took it, surprised when she turned around and walked towards her own ute. "Wait, you driving back yourself?" he asked.  
"I can't just leave the ute here" she said and looked back at him, as it was the most obvious thing in the world. "But, I thought I'd take you back - I mean, can you drive and all?" he asked, carefully not to step on her toes.  
"I'm capable of driving, Alex. I have a broken heart, not a broken leg" she answered a bit too defensive and regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. She sighed and looked down herself. She was being too hard on Alex, he had afterall spend an hour in the freezing cold with her. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that"  
"It's alright. Just .. Stay in front of me, okay?" he asked, wanting to have her in sight at all times. She smiled at him and nodded. He was sweet when he was being protective.

The moment she drove down the driveway, everything started to feel much more real and she instantly regretted coming back with Alex. She didn't feel ready to face it all yet.  
She parked the car the same place and stopped the engine. She took in a heavy breath, trying to gather every strength she had in her and get out of the ute - but every cell in her fighted her in it.  
It wasn't until Alex came to the side and opened the door, that she came back from her miserable thoughts about the whole day. He looked at her with the same comforting eyes as he had back at the stump - but it wasn't enough to make her feel safe anymore.  
"Come on" he said kindful and gave her a gentle smile. She got of the ute, not quite sure how she managed to fight the urge not to but she did. She looked towards the kitchen and saw Tess waiting for her at the door - Right now, she was grateful to see Tess and all she wanted right now, was to hug her sister and let her tell her everything was going to be alright. You could say a lot about Tess, but she could make things a little better in her own way - Something Claire hadn't thought would be possible, when she first came around but that quickly changed and she couldn't imagine not having her sister around.  
As soon as they got to the door, Tess embraced her in a loving hug, which led Claire to tears again. "Thank you" she heard Tess say. She could almost see the smile her and Alex exchanged between them. "Anytime" he said and stroke Claire on her back, before making his way back to his car.  
"Let's get you out of this" Tess said and pulled herself away from Claire with a comforting smile. She looked down herself and got reminded that she still had the dress on, and instantly her body got filled with all these mixed emotion. "What have I done?" she asked almost desperately, and started to cry even more. Tess wasn't sure what to do or say, so she smiled at her yet again and took her in her arms - Hating every inch of Peter for doing this to her sister.  
"Are you comfortable?" Tess asked and crawled into bed with Claire. She nodded and adjusted one of Tess's many pillows she kept in her bed - Who needed that many pillows to sleep anyway?  
"So today really happened huh?" Tess said and turned to face Claire. She looked at her with the saddest eyes Tess had ever seen and with a sigh she opened her mouth, but nothing came out. "I ..." she was fumbling with the words. "I don't know what to do to feel okay again" she said and started to cry. "Claire …" Tess said with a comforting voice and pulled her in. "I really did love him" Claire cried in her sister arms. She loved Peter more than anything, she thought he was the one. "How could he do this to me? I don't understand it" She asked through the tears of pain and looked at Tess - But she didn't answer, cause she didn't know. She had a really hard time understanding how someone could put someone through a lie like this. And why would he lie about it, if him and his wife was separated when him and Claire met? She felt a burning anger starting to consume her, the more she thought about what Peter had done and even though Claire was devastated, she was thankful that she didn't marry him - She deserved much better.  
She squeezed Claire tighter and stroke her gently on her arm, they didn't say anything. They just laid there - Claire listening to the steady heartbeat from Tess and Tess, listening to Claire's sobbing until both of them fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 - He should have had my heart**

Claire woke confused that morning and it took her a couple of seconds before she remembered where she was. In Tess's bedroom.  
She looked around to find her sister but it looked like she was alone. She pulled herself up, hoping that yesterday had been a horrible nightmare but it was as real as anything. A sting to her heart hit her as soon as she thought about everything that had happened. Tears was starting to fill her eyes but she refused to cry - Her eyes was hurting from all the crying and she couldn't do it anymore. She shook her head, shaking off the thoughts and then she got out of bed. She stepped out of the room, not quite sure what to do with herself. She didn't quite feel like seeing anyone but she knew she had to, at one point.  
She walked the few meters from Tess's bedroom to her own but the minute she opened the door, she got hit by all the memories her and Peter had shared. They were so happy, and they had all these plans for their future life together. As much as she wanted not to cry, she couldn't help it - everything was too overwhelming. She quickly shot the door to her room and dried away the tears. She took a moment to gather herself, before she walked down the stairs.  
She could hear the others talking as she got closer to the kitchen, but she couldn't make out what they were saying. They were talking with low voices and that could only mean they were talking about everything that happened yesterday. She couldn't blame them, everything was messed up after all. She stood a couple of seconds at the half closed door before she walked in, gathering enough strength to see them.  
The girls went quiet as soon as they saw her - They wanted to ask if she was okay, how she was feeling but none of them dared to, all afraid to cause more damage than good.  
"Claire! Come sit" Meg said quickly after the silence had hit. She guided Claire to the empty chair and poured her a cup of coffee. "You want some breaky?" She asked, ready to find her a plate. Claire shook her head. She wasn't feeling hungry.  
"You should eat something" Tess said worried. Claire looked at her with the eyes only she could pull off, letting Tess know not to overstep the line of caring.  
Claire took a sip of her coffee and looked around the table. No one was talking but it was clear they wanted to say something to make her feel better. After a good 10 minutes of silence Claire had had enough and she finally cleared her throat. "You know .. " she said but stopped. It was harder to get the words out than she thought. "You can say something" she continued and hoped just one of them would say something. As much as she didn't wanted to talk about everything with Peter, the silence was worse and everything became too awkward.  
"So, how are you feeling?" Jodi asked but Meg was quick to jump in. "I don't think Claire meant to talk about that"  
"It's okay" Claire said and moved around on the chair. "I'm feeling …" she stopped mid sentence to think about how to answer that question. "Sad" She said and played with her thumbs under the table. She had barely said a word and she already felt her eyes get watery. She didn't feel like crying in front of them, but she wasn't sure she could keep the tears in. Why did she tell them they could talk? She cleared her throat and took another sip of her coffee, trying everything in her power not to cry.  
Meg saw Claire struggling to keep the tears away, so she put a comforting hand on her arm. She meant it in a good way, as to say she didn't have to tell them anymore, that they understood and everything was going to be fine - but her gentle touch only made Claire break down in tears, unable to control all the feelings that came to the surface.  
"Oh Claire, I didn't mean to - I just. I'm sorry" Meg said, knowing she caused her tears this time around. Claire shook her head and tried to dry away the tears. "It's okay" she said snivelledly "I just need some time alone" she continued and got up from the chair.  
As she made her way through the kitchen and out back to the veranda she heard the phone ring.  
"Is it him again?" Tess asked with a low voice, hoping Claire wouldn't hear her. "He's called 4 times already - He's gonna come by soon if he doesn't get to talk to Claire" Meg said with a worried voice. She wasn't sure it was a good idea for Claire and Peter to meet this soon. Sure they had to talk, but they both had things to sort out before they did.  
Claire stopped her walking as she realised it was Peter they was talking about. She felt the broken pieces of her heart, break into even more - Which she didn't think was possible. She didn't think it was possible to hurt even more than she did but this just proved her wrong. She covered her mouth to keep any sound from her crying inside, afraid that one of the girls would hear her and know she'd been in the other room this entire time. It felt like she was suffocating in all these emotion and she had to get out of there and clear her thoughts.

She walked across the court and about halfway, Roy, her best buddy came running towards her with a friendly bark. She kneeled down beside him and gave him a couple of good head scratches, thankful to know that he, out of everyone else, wouldn't judge her for what she had done. "Come on boy" she said and got back on her feet again to continue her walk. She wasn't sure where to go, anywhere but here. So she picked a direction and started to walk.  
She found herself in the paddock with Blaze, who, just as Roy, came running happily as soon as she saw her. She smiled at the golden beauty as she took down the pace, and started to trot the last distance towards Claire. She got met by a couple of snorts as Blaze got close enough for Claire to stroke her mane. She carefully studied her, running her hands over her body and smiled as she realised how big Blaze was getting. "Only 3 more months" She said and gave her a gentle clap on the side of her pregnant belly before Blaze ran off again. Claire kept still for awhile, looking at Blaze until she couldn't see her anymore. For a brief moment she had managed to forget all about yesterday, and it felt more relieving than she could have hoped it would be - but as fast as she had managed to forget about the horrible nightmare, just as fast the reality hit her again.  
What was she going to do? It was still a question she kept asking herself. She couldn't be with Peter. She could never trust him again but the heartache of losing him felt like it would kill her. She stopped, going over her last thought. Was it losing him or losing the idea of a future together, that really caused the heartache?  
A single tear fell to her cheek. Whatever it was, she knew she had to deal with him and the sooner she did that, the sooner she could get on with her life and forget he ever existed - That was what she hoped for, at least.  
She signaled Roy to her side and started to walk back to the house, she couldn't keep running away - She had to deal with her feelings, even though she usually did the complete opposite. All the way back she kept thinking about what to do, to make herself feel better. She knew she had to talk to Peter but she was still debating whether or not it would make her feel worse to see him again already. As she kept going through things in her head, Alex kept popping up. _He_ had made her feel better and the more she thought about that, the more she wanted to call him, talk with him but she couldn't bother him with this - She knew how he felt about her, about the whole relationship with Peter. She sighed. If only Alex had done something months ago, she wouldn't be here.  
She shook her head. No - She couldn't blame Alex for any of this. _She_ should have told him. Told him that she heard him and Nick talk that night, talk about how Alex loved her and her being with Peter was the greatest mistake ever. She should have told him that she loved him too and now it was too late, and instead she now had to pick of the pieces of a broken heart, that could have belonged to someone else.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 - Who cares about you in the end?**

"What is he doing here?" Tess asked, making the rest of the girls stop what they were doing and look the same direction as her. "It's fine. I called him" Claire said and threw the shovel to the ground and started to walk towards the court.  
It had been three days since the wedding and even though she wasn't entirely sure about talking with Peter, she had to do it - It was the only way to move on.  
"I'm glad you called" Peter said as Claire reached him. His comment made her frown and she got a feeling that he thought she called him to mend things with him, but that wasn't the case. The only thing that needed to be mended was her and not the two of them.  
"Let's talk in the kitchen" She said and walked past him, ready to get the whole talk over and done with. "Coffee?" she asked, trying to stall and keep busy with something. As much as she wanted to be done with this, it wasn't easy and it hurt so incredibly much to be standing in front of the man, who ripped her heart out.  
"Claire" he said with a low voice and walked to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. She froze at his touch and tears started to fill her eyes. The touch send out a wave of mixed emotions. She felt both disgusted and at ease. She missed what they had already, she missed their plans and their dreams. She closed her eyes, trying to stop the tears from coming out and then she breathe in before turning around to face him. She hated that she felt the loss this great, knowing it wouldn't do her any good.  
"I'm so sorry for the pain I caused - I never meant for this to happen. I will do anything in my power to make it right again" he said as turned to look at him. She looked down on the floor, finding the strength to go through with what she knew needed to be done.  
"Peter…" she said with a low voice and looked back up. The tears was too demanding and she couldn't control the steady stream that started to run down her cheeks. "You can't make it right" she continued and felt him dry away her tears. "Claire, I love you. Give me a chance to make it up to you" his touch weakened the strength she had found but it couldn't, he couldn't do that to her.  
"It's not that simple, Peter" Claire said and walked away from him. "It is, Claire. I love you and you love me" He said to her back. She started to feel a bit of anger awaken inside of her - He couldn't stand there and tell her how he loved her, not when he had done what he had. "Love isn't everything" She said, surprisingly calm. "But it's a good start" he answered and started to walk closer to her. "Claire … I can be what you need" he continued and moved her hair and planted a small kiss on her neck. She closed her eyes and let the tears fall once again - He couldn't do this to her. What he did was unforgivable and some sweet remarks here and there wouldn't fix anything. "That's where you are wrong" she said angrily and pushed him away with her shoulder. "You can't be what I need. You proved that!"  
"But you love me, Claire .. " Peter said, thrown back by her sudden change of mood. "Yes, I do. As much as it pains me to admit right now, I do love you, Peter. I love you so much that I wanted to marry you!" she yelled with tears rushing down her cheeks - The tears was now a mix of sadness and anger.  
"We can still get married - Nothing has to change" he said, still remaining calm, which only irritated Claire even more. "You just don't get it, do you?!" She said and shook her head sarcastically. "Everything _has_ changed! You ruined me, Peter. You took away everything I felt for you!"  
"So, you can't get a man a second chance when he screws up?" Peter now asked with a more firm and cold voice. Claire shook her head again and in that moment she realised just how pathetic Peter really was. How could she ever have wanted to marry someone like him?  
"You had an entire year to tell me about her and you insisted on keeping it a secret - What am I supposed to think? That there isn't any more to it?"  
"Okay .." Peter said and took a step back. "Okay, maybe we wasn't separate when we met but the moment I met you, I knew you was the one I had been waiting for!" Claire started to laugh as he tried to cover up the truth as something he did for her. As Peter realised his honesty didn't get him far, he got all wild in his eyes - Something Claire had never experienced before. "I gave up on everything for you, Claire!"  
"No!" She quickly said and pointed at him. "Don't use me as a reason! You gave up on your family for yourself and not me" by now she was feeling even angrier and it felt like everything that came out of his mouth was one lie after the other.  
"So what now?" he asked and flung his arm. "You just gonna give up on us?"  
"No .. " Claire said calmly. "I'm ending us, there is a difference. I wouldn't think twice about fighting for someone like you" her last word made Peter see red. "Fine!" he yelled. "If you want to make it on your own, please do!" he continued and threw the nearest glass right by her head and into the wall where it splintered in hundred of pieces. She looked at the glass covered floor and then at him. "Out. Now!" she said with a voice angry enough to scare anyone. Peter shook his head and pushed to a chair as he made himself out the door.  
She kept looking out in the room, feeling her blood pumping with rage. She had never been this mad before. Suddenly all her hurt and pain was replaced with what seemed like an endless circle of anger - but as soon as she heard the car door slam and Peter drive off, something snapped her out of it and slowly the hurt she had been feeling crawled back, leaving her both hurting and angry.  
She stormed out of the kitchen and made her way to her bedroom. She almost bursted the door open, feeling more than ready to get rid of everything that reminded her of Peter. She quickly started to search the room, picking up every little thing from the drawers, shelves and closet. She gathered everything she found and threw it all in one big pile on the middle of the floor. Clothes, pictures, lotions - Everything needed to get out of her life. She looked around the room for anymore that reminded her of Peter and that was when she saw it. The wedding dress. It was hanging on one of the doors on the closet placed at the doorway. She walked towards it with small steps, tears in her eyes and a broken heart that shattered even more. The anger she felt before was gone and as she ran her hand over the dress she broke down. She allowed herself to cry for a couple of minutes, saying goodbye to what had been and then she gathered herself, took the wedding dress down and threw it in the pile with the rest.  
"What are you doing?" Tess's voice sounded behind her. "Getting rid of him" Claire said and looked at her sister and then back at the pile. "Are you sure you want to throw away the dress, Claire?" Tess asked, now standing by her side. "No .. but I have to" was all Claire said before she picked up the pile and marched downstairs and out back. "Wait, where are you going with this?" her sister asked and came running behind her.  
"I'm burning everything that still connects me to Peter" Claire said determined and kept walking. "Claire, you can't just burn it!" Tess said desperately and made Claire turn around. "Weren't you the one to tell me how you burned your ex's t-shirt a little while back?" Claire asked confused. This was the same thing.  
"Yeah but that wasn't a wedding dress, Claire!" she looked at the white fabric mixed with the rest in her hand but surprisingly she didn't feel anything. "It's not like I'm going to need it" she said and turned around to walk again but Tess stopped. "I'm not letting you burn your wedding dress" Tess said and grabbed it from the pile. "Burn the rest if you want to, just not this!" Claire shook her head and with a fine she marched away again, ready to get rid of the things for good.  
She kept looking into the barrel as the flames started to consume everything she had known for a year. She was saying goodbye to every dream, every hope and every last feeling towards the man she thought she knew.  
As the last picture went up in smoke a single tear fell from her eye but she quickly dried it away, making a silent promise to herself - never to let anyone get this close to her again and always keep a distance. In the end, the only one who truly ever cares about you, is _you_ and she got to learn that the hard way.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 - Can I Think About It?**

She was surprised to see Alex's ute parked out in the court when she came back from her walk. She felt strange as well, not having seen him since that day.  
She walked around the ute and gave it a light clap on the hood as she past it and made her way through the laundry room and further into the kitchen - but there was no one there. She frowned and walked through the door to the hall, and into the dining room. Voices from outside reached her ear and she smiled as she heard Alex let out a small laugh before their talking continued.  
Discreetly she walked towards the veranda door and waited to hear if they was talking about her - but it seemed like they just talked about big and small.  
"Hi" Alex said with the biggest smile on his lips, as she stepped outside. She couldn't help but smile back but she frowned as soon as she saw how the whole area across his nose, looked like one big bruise. "Yeah I know" Alex said knowing what caused her to look at him like that. She pulled out a chair and placed herself beside him with an apologetic look, feeling a whole lot of guilt, knowing she was a part of those bruises. They kept staring at each other, almost as some of them was scared to ruin the moment. He just had to smile to make her feel better, he didn't even have to say anything - So she wanted as much comfort from the moment they shared right now, as she could.  
"Can you two help me in the kitchen?" Meg asked Jodi and Tess, seeing how Alex and Claire looked at each other, she had a feeling some privacy was needed. "Oh yeah, sure" Tess said and got up from the chair and took the empty tray in her hands. "You need me to bring you anything, Claire?"  
Tess's question brought her out of the moment she was sharing with Alex and she send him a shy smile, as she moved her focus from him to Tess. "No thanks, I'm good" Claire said and followed her sister with her eyes until she was out of side.  
"How's the nose?" She asked and turned her focus to Alex again. "Oh, you know. It's alright" he said but Claire knew he was trying to act tough. The way it looked, she was surprised it wasn't broken. She smiled at him and shook her head at his obvious fear of taking any damage to his manhood.  
"So …" Alex started but then he stopped. Tess had told him about the whole wedding dress incident, and he wanted to make sure she was okay, but it probably wasn't a good idea to bring it up and it wasn't his business anyway.  
"So what?" Claire asked and moved around on the chair. Alex exhaled, quickly debating with himself if he should ask but something inside of him felt like he had to. "Tess told me you had a little fire going the other day?"  
Claire sighed, rolled her eyes and leaned back in the chair. Did Tess have to make it everyone's business?  
"Hey, I understand okay? I just want to make sure you are alright" he said, seeing the annoyment from Tess's telling on her face. She gave him a gentle smile as she thought about his question. Maybe she wasn't alright just yet, but everyday was a small victory for her and she was sure she would get back to normal sooner than later. Saying goodbye to Peter, for good, had done a lot for her - even though it hadn't been more than a couple of days. Her heart was still broken and it would take some time to get over the pain he had caused her, but she had faith that everything would turn out the way it should in the end.  
"I will be" she finally answered and got up from her chair. "If you aren't too busy getting in touch with your feminine side, _Marion_ , would you mind moving your butt and help me out for a minute or two?" Claire said corky, trying her very best to be herself again. Alex shook on his head with a laugh and got on his feet as well. "Oi, didn't I tell you not to talk about that"  
"What? Marion?" Claire answered teasingly. "You are too much sometimes, you know that McLeod?" Alex said and followed her through the house. "Yeah, but you love me anyway" She said with a smile and a quick look at him, before she put up the pace to the ute.  
He felt his heart skip a beat to her comment. If she only knew, he thought to himself. He did in fact love her very much but he didn't dare to speak off it and remained quiet.  
"What do you need my help with?" he asked as they reached the the ute. "There's a hole in the east paddock" she answered, knowing too well she could fix that herself. Truth was, that she really didn't need any help from him, but everything was better at his side.  
"Why do you need my help for that? You can fix a hole by yourself, you've done it since you was 10" he said confused, and he didn't have all that much time to stick around - but then he saw the look on her face. The pleading look, the begging look and he knew, somehow he knew, she didn't wanted to be alone right now. "Show the way" he said with a small smile and made way for Claire to get to the ute.

They parked the car on the other side of the paddock and made their way through the tall, dry grass leading up to the fence. "You still have Blaze out here?" he asked as he noticed Blaze amongst the other horses. "Yeah" Claire said and cut the damaged wire with a plier. "There's still 3 months to go" she continued and went to grab the new wire in the ute. "Yeah, but wouldn't it be safer to keep her closer to the house?" he asked concerned - It was after all Wildfire's foal she was caring and it wasn't only Claire who was excited for the new foal, he was as well.  
"Relax. I'm moving her closer to the house when she's got a month left" Claire said with a frown on her face and a corky smile. "You know" she said and placed the wire on the ground. "If I didn't know you, I'd think you've started to care" she continued, still having that big smile on her face. "Give it a rest Claire - I just thought you would want to have her close" Alex said, trying to toughen his act.  
Claire started to laugh but he wasn't all that amused. It was the second time today she'd made fun of his soft side - And he wasn't soft.  
"You actually are!" Claire said as she realised he had a genuine interest in all of this. He grabbed for the wire on the ground, wanting to be over with this conversation. "She'll be fine out here Alex. I don't want to pull her away from the rest before I have to" Claire said and got on her knees to help him.  
"Yeah I know, it's just .. It's Wildfire's foal too" he said and looked out in the paddock. She smiled at him as she understood where his sudden interest sparked from. "I guess that's true - does this mean …" she stopped and turned her focus to Blaze and then to Alex, who met her eyes. "That we are becoming grandparents?" Alex said and finished her sentence. She nodded and started to laugh. Alex snorted and shook his head and then he joined in on the laughing. "I don't know about you, McLeod - But I ain't that old yet!"  
"We are totally becoming grandparents!" Claire said through her laugh. Alex shook his head again and pushed gently to her shoulder, as he continued to laugh as well.  
After a while the laughing was wearing off and a little thought found its way to him. He had thought about it many times before but hadn't expressed it. With Peter being in her life, he didn't exactly feel like it was an option but now, with him gone, it could be.  
"Are you still planning on starting the training dream with the foal?" he asked curious and helped her back on her feet. "Yeah, why?" she asked and threw the wire in the back of the ute. "I've just been thinking" he said and leaned himself against the side, studying her put the last things in the truck and walk to his side. "What have you been thinking?"  
"You know … Wouldn't it be nice to have a partner for the training?" he asked. She made a hm sound and thought about his question. She was going to do it with Peter, but with him gone, she hadn't really thought about involving someone else in that business. Unless he was talking about himself.  
"What are you suggesting Alex?" Claire asked and looked questioning at him. "Well .. Me" he said and shrug his shoulder. "I didn't know you wanted to train horses" Claire said and started to think about the opportunity Alex just presented to her. "You know I can train horses and I've been doing a lot of thinking - I want to start something myself, be free of Harry, you know?" he said and waited on her to say something. She snorted and nodded her head, Harry - She understood his desire to get out of there and start his own things.  
"And, we'd make a damn good team the two of us" his comment made her look at him, almost surprised. They would make a good team, a really good team. Perhaps too good of a team?  
"Come on, Claire. You know me, I know you. Let's do this?" he continued and seeked her eyes for an answer. She smiled and looked alternating at him and the paddock with Blaze. "It's really tempting Alex, believe me, it is - but can I think about it for a while? It's just, with everything that happened with Peter .. " she stopped and felt a bit of hate towards herself, for saying his name out loud. She hated that he made her feel this way.  
"I mean .. I think I need some time, before I indulge myself in the whole training thing" she said and looked back at him. Her eyes was showing a bit of grief now, something that made his heart ache. He gave her a comforting smile and stroke her shoulder gently, feeling it was his fault she got reminded of what just had happened to her. "Of course" he said and kept his stare at her. She didn't move either. He sighed as he got reminded of how he never told her how he really felt for her, how he never took the chance and he hated himself for that, more than anything. He could have spared her a great deal of hurt, if he had been honest about his feelings. He shook his head discreetly, knowing he had to shake those thoughts out of his mind. "but I really want this" was the last thing he said before he looked away, leaving Claire doubting whether or not he was still talking about the training business. "Let's head back" he said and opened the door to the ute.  
"You coming?" he asked and looked out the window at Claire, who was standing in the same spot still. She was still trying to make sense of his comment, knowing that he actually loved her, she wasn't sure if there was more to it than that. "Yeah" she quickly said and moved her focus to the ute. "I'm coming" she continued and shook her head, trying to forget what just happened - It wouldn't do her any good to keep trying and make any sense of it.  
She closed the door with a smile, turned the ute around, and drove down the same road they came from.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 - Who** _**is**_ **right for me?**

It had been a couple of months since he last had the talk with Claire about going into business together - Telling him, she had to think it through and needed some time to process everything that had happened. Which, he couldn't blame her and understood. So when Claire called the other day, asking if he wanted to swing by and help her move Blaze to a closer paddock, for her last month of pregnancy - Not that she couldn't herself, he jumped in right away, hoping they got to talk about his business proposal.  
"Why am I here, Claire?" he asked as she stirred Blaze into the new paddock and took off her harness. "You was so worried last time, I thought you wanted to oversee the move" Claire teased with a smile. Alex shook her head and laughed at her. "You are something, alright" he said and jumped the fence, helping Claire shut the gate.  
"No, I actually wanted to talk" she said and gave him a smile. "You know how you asked me to become business partners, a while back?" he nodded at her and continued to walk towards the house with her at his side. "I've done some thinking, at lot actually and .. I don't know" she stopped, both her talking and walking. Alex turned to look at her, desperately trying to make out what she was going to say next. "I don't know if I'm ready, if the time is right" she continued and with those words Alex felt the dream of becoming partners, disappear before it even started. He tried to hide his disappointment by looking at the ground, he really wanted this. "But then I thought: Is the time ever right?"  
He looked back at her, confused about what she was actually saying. "I do know that I want to do it, but I'm not sure that I can - but with your help. I don't know. Maybe we could .." but it was all she got around to say before Alex cut her off. "Yes!" he said happily, making Claire smile. "You haven't even heard what I want to ask you" she said and laughed a little. "I don't need to. I already know it and the answer is yes!" Alex said and gave her a big grin.  
"Well okay" She said and shook her head. He really wanted this, didn't he? She thought to herself and picked up the walking again. "Wait, just to be clear. You are asking me to be your partner, right?" Alex suddenly said and stopped her. "I thought it was obvious" Claire laughed and frowned at him. "I guess we are partners then" Alex said and gave her a weird smile. "I guess so" Claire answered and snorted with a laugh as they started to walk again. He kept looking at her in the same weird way as they kept walking towards the kitchen. "Stop being weird" Claire said and pushed him on his shoulder, making him laugh and push back at her. "Hey, wanna celebrate it?" he asked and stopped halfway through the door. Claire turned around and looked like she needed to think about it. She didn't really, she could use a beer or two, after everything that had happened the last couple of months. "Sure. Come by for dinner tonight, then we'll tell the others as well" she said and walked in the kitchen, leaving Alex in doorway. He couldn't get the smile off his face. Partners, with the one and only Claire McLeod.

Alex dropped by for dinner that night, just as Claire had told him too. They were all there, at least everyone that needed to know about their plans and by dessert, which Meg always insisted on when they had someone over for dinner, they told everyone they were going into business together. At first they was surprised, they all thought she had given up on her dream after Peter but then they congratulated them and started to talk about how excited they was for them, and how Blaze's foal would be a number one horse with them as trainers. They still had a lot to figure out, money, building material and when to start. But they still had a lot to celebrate right now. Perhaps the biggest step, agreeing on starting a business together.  
"How are you holding up?" Alex asked and handed Claire a beer. She snorted and looked out to backyard through the double doors. They were still sitting in the dining room, talking about everything and nothing. She wasn't really sure how to answer that question. It was hit and miss. Some days were good, other days she felt like crawling into a hole and never come back up. But she would like to think she was better, looking at it from a wider perspective she was getting better. So that was what she told him.  
"Claire, I'm really sorry about how you found out" he said and felt like that whole mess had been caused by him somehow. "I know you are" she said and gave him a gentle smile. "I just … couldn't let you marry him"  
"Because of his lie or because of him?" Claire asked and took a sip of her beer. She knew it wasn't fair to ask him that, not with how he felt about her but something inside of her hoped for him to admit it to her. She needed to hear it somehow, but she wasn't really sure what to do with the information if he told her. Alex looked at her, surprised by her question. He got a feeling she wanted him to say there was more to it, and there was. But if it hadn't been for the lie, he wouldn't had stopped her from marrying him. He would never be in the way for her happiness. "Is this a trick question?" he asked wondering and looked at her with a half smile. She let out a small laugh and shook her head. "I just want to know. I know you never really liked him"  
"Claire, he was a knob. And a big one - Everyone could see that. But I would never stop your marriage just because I didn't like the guy. I did it cause you deserved to know the truth before saying yes to spend your life with him" Alex said and looked at her with gentle eyes, telling her he hoped she understood why he did it. She smiled at him, feeling thankful for everything that he had ever done for her. They locked eyes and in that brief moment, she felt whole. She knew he truly loved her - Even though he had never said it to her face.  
"And not to mention he wasn't good enough for you anyway" Alex said after a while and broke the silence. "Oh yeah, who is then?" Claire asked with a smile and got pulled back to reality by his corky comment.  
"Well …" Alex said and got up from the chair. He leaned himself across the table, resting his hands on the wooden surface and moved his head closer, only a couple of inches away from her face. She could feel the warm from his breath on her skin and the broken heart of hers, skipped a beat. They kept glancing at each other for a couple more seconds, before he looked down at the table, fighting the urge to kiss her and then he looked back at her "Not him .." he said with a husky whispering and pulled himself away from the situation.  
"I'm getting a new round. Want some?" he asked and walked out of the room, without letting Claire answer his question - He just had to get some space between them before he did something he shouldn't do. Claire was left alone in the dining room, not sure about what just happened, and it left her feeling a little weirded out. She draw a smile. No, Alex was just expressing his opinion on how much he didn't like Peter. That was it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 - You are my favorite**

They had just finished the presentation about the new equipment gear for training, they came to Adelaide to hear about.  
"See, presentations are fun in good company" Claire joked as they walked down the massive hallway in the hotel the presentation had taken place. "Yeah yeah" Alex said and shook his head with a smile - The company more than the presentation, he thought to himself. "Wanna grab something to eat?" He asked but he hadn't noticed Claire had stopped. He looked to his side, realising she wasn't next to him anymore. "Claire?" he said and turned around to find her a bit behind. "What are you doing?" he asked and walked back to her, but she didn't answer. She kept in the same frozen position, almost like she wasn't even there. He looked around the open floor to see if he could find what she was looking at, and suddenly he saw him. Only a few meters away at the front desk, talking with a couple of guys in suits, laughing - looking like he had a very good time. _Peter_.  
Just as Claire was starting to feel better, she had to see him. And here, out of all the places. All the memories came rushing back to her, pulling her further down the hole she was so desperately trying to get out of. It was only a short moment she saw him and then he was gone, but it was enough to make her ground shake.  
"What is he doing here?" she heard Alex ask as a distant voice. "What?" she asked, clearly in shock of what she just saw. Alex shook his head and looked the way Peter had disappeared. God he hated that man.  
"Forget the food, let's find ourselves a drink" he said and placed his hand on the small of her back, guiding her out of the hotel, away from a possible break down.

"Another round" Alex said to the guy behind the bar and walked back to the table where Claire was waiting. "There's one more on the way" he said as Claire emptied the bottle for the last drop of beer. "Great! I'll be right back" Claire said and got up from the chair. She made her way to the restroom, under the influence of a bit too much alcohol.  
As she washed her hands, her own reflection caught her eye and an overwhelming feeling of sadness started to spread inside of her. A couple of tears ran down her cheeks as the reflection and her kept staring at each other. Peter had been a reminder of what she had lost, of what she would never get back and that hurt, quite a lot still. She looked down at the sink, trying to find some strength inside of herself and then she looked back up. Dried away the tears and looked herself in the eyes as she promised not to get hurt like that, ever again.  
She took a deep breathe and dried her hands with a towel and made her way back to the table. The new round of beer was already there, and she couldn't get more down fast enough. "Took you long enough" Alex said and handed her the beer. She took it with pleasure and emptied almost half of the beer in one go.  
"What?" Claire asked as she noticed how Alex kept giving her that drunk smile. He started to snigger and then he looked away. "Nothing, nothing" he said and took the beer in his hands. "You alright though?" he asked and looked back at her.  
"Alright and drunk … I can't even remember when I've had this much to drink last" she answered. She hardly ever got drunk but seeing Peter today made her want to forget about everything, at least for a little while.  
"Count me in - Being drunk, that is" Alex said almost knocking down one of the empty bottles. Claire shook her head and laughed at him. "What is so funny?" he fumbled out and flung his arm. She moved closer to him and leaned towards him, close enough to smell the beer breath he had. "Being drunk with you. Why are we drunk?" she asked, suddenly surprised by how that could happen.  
"Because of that piece of a shit knob, you almost married. That's why" Alex said and pointed at her to underline he talked about her. "Right." she said and the pained feeling started to come to the surface again. "I think I need something stronger" she said and looked at Alex with determination in her eyes. " _This_ is why we are getting drunk together. You are my favorite, McLeod" he said and pulled her in and kissed her very gently on the cheek, making Claire laugh at his drunk'n smile.  
"What do you want?" he asked and got up from the table again. "Name it, and I'll bring it" he continued and bowed in front of her, as he was her servant. "Something to get _him_ out of my mind"  
"I know just what you need!" Alex said and made his way to the bar. Claire shook her head with a smile as she studied how he went one step forward, and two steps back all the way up to the bar.

"I can't find the key anywhere" Claire said drunk and rummaged through all of her pockets. Alex was leaning himself against the wall with one hand, waiting for her to open up so he could say goodnight, as a real gentleman. But she was so beautiful that he had a hard time trying not kiss her. "Claire" he said and lost his footing for a brief moment. "Why are there 2 of you?" he asked and tried touching the air where the other one of her was supposed to be. "Because you .. are a bit drunk" she replied and boobed his nose. "Oh yeah" he said and smiled for himself.  
"Alex .." she said and leaned herself against the door. Mmh he said and tried to look at her flirtatiously as he placed his arm above her head. "I can't find the key anywhere" Claire said and started to laugh. "I have a bed" he said and pointed down the hall.  
"Alright, where's your room?" Claire asked, giving it no second thought to spend the night in the same bed as Alex. "I .." he said and looked around. "I forgot where my bed is. Has someone moved it?" he said and started to laugh, making Claire laugh as well. It was actually quite surprising no one came out of their rooms to hush on them.  
"You lost your bed" Claire laughed and used him as a support not tip over. Alex snorted and looked around the long hall with all the doors looking like each other, only a small number made them stand out from each other. "It's down here" he said and pointed 4 doors down.  
He ran the keycard through the reader at the handle, it took him a couple of tries as he kept turning it the wrong way but at last they got inside.  
"One last drink before we go to sleep, okay?" Alex said and walked to the minibar. Claire kicked off her shoes and joined him, carefully watching how he mixed the drinks with more vodka than soda. "Here" he said and reached out the glass a bit too quick. He bumped the glass straight into her, spilling the entire drink on her shirt.  
"Shit, sorry! Let me help" Alex said and desperately placed his own drink on the counter and reached for the first and best thing he could grab to dry her off. He turned to look at her again and then at her shirt. With a couple of rough movements he started to pat her on the chest with one of his shirts he had decided to use as a napkin. "I think I need a new shirt" Claire said and felt the cold fabric starting to stick to her skin.  
"Yes, that will work!" Alex said and threw the shirt he was holding to the side. Without much thinking he started to unbutton her shirt, making Claire laugh. "I can do that myself" she said and felt one more button get undone. "No no. I caused it, so I fix it" Alex said and kept unbuttoning her shirt until there weren't any buttons left. He stopped and looked at the bare skin that was now exposed, still holding each end of her shirt in his hands. He looked up and down and couple of times before he moved his focus to her.  
"You're … You're beautiful" he said with a dark drunken whisper - Almost as he hadn't expected that. Well, he didn't really know what to expect. Claire didn't say anything, she just gave him a quiet smile and kept looking at him, taking no notice of the fact he had a free sight to her breasts. She kinda enjoyed being in that moment with him, but a lot of things was enjoyable when drunk.  
Suddenly she felt his hand run over the exposed bare skin and it did things to her, that she couldn't explain. It made her crave for more of his touches. He was sure it was the alcohol that made him lean in and kiss her, just a quick discreet kiss. A voice in the back of his head told him not to, so he prepared himself to pull away again right after, but as she kissed him back, the little voice disappeared and he intensified their kiss, making it stronger and deeper. With a swift move, he pulled down the shirt and pressed himself closer to her, forcing her to move backwards, closer to the bed.  
With a gentle push, Claire fell on her back pulling him on top of her. She kept kissing him, harder and faster for each kiss, having no intention to stop what they were doing, even though she knew deep down that it would be for the best.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 - I Need You**

Claire woke that morning, head pounding and confused. She squeezed her eyes together and quickly established she wasn't in her own hotel bed. A bit of panic started to rush through her, as she couldn't remember anything. Her eyes browsed one half of the room and she saw her shirt on the floor, next to what looked like … Alex's pants.  
She looked under the cover and realised she was naked, as in really naked. Slowly memories of yesterday came to her and she turned her head to see Alex asleep next to her. She froze, trying to understand what had happened between them and exclaimed in a silent _shit_.  
"Alex" She said and pushed to his shoulder. He made a mmh sound and continued to sleep. "Alex!" she said again, this time more determined.  
"Claire ... " he said with half open eyes. "What are you doing in my bed?" he asked, confused and with no remembrance about what had happened. "Are you? .. " he stopped and blinked a couple more times, making sure he was seeing what he thought he was. "Naked under the sheets? yeah" Claire said annoyed. How could they have allowed this to happen?  
"Wait. Did we …" was all he got to ask before the first memory of last night appeared in his mind. Claire looked at him with a face that asked what he thought himself.  
It took him a moment to realise that they had actually spent the night together and suddenly he remembered everything. How he had spilled that drink and wanted to help, but then he saw what that was under the shirt and he couldn't help himself.  
"Shit" he said and looked at the clothes that was spread around the floor. "Shit indeed. How could we let this happen?!" Claire asked and punched him on the shoulder. She sighed and took her head between her hands.  
"Okay, this is what we are gonna do" she said and looked up. "I'm gonna go get dressed in the bathroom and then I'm gonna walk back to my own room, pick up my things and we are driving home, okay?" he looked confused at her, still trying to grasp everything. "Yeah but, what about the presentation later today?" Alex asked. "Do I _look_ like someone who wants to be at a presentation later? We slept _together_ , Alex. You do realise how stupid that was, right?" she asked and looked at him. He kept quiet - It couldn't be _that_ stupid, when he actually felt a bit wholesome from being with her. Not that it was the right thing to do, or the right way to do it but he couldn't help the feeling. He knew it was wrong, but she was all he wanted really - and even though Claire obviously didn't feel the same towards this mess they somehow had ended up in, he secretly wished that she did and that it had happened a different way.  
"Your, uh .. bra is over here" he said discreetly and threw it her way, careful not to make her regret last night even more than she already did.  
They both got in the car without having said anything else to each other since Claire left his room. He was about to start the car when he realised, that this actually hurt him more than he would have thought so.  
"Claire, we need to talk about this" he said and looked at her but she kept looking out of the window. "No, what we need to do is forget this ever happened" she said and moved her back even more to his side. He shook his head and felt a sting to his heart - He just wanted to talk, but she had already made up her mind about everything it seemed. He started the car and drove off, without saying one more word to her the entire drive home.

As they reached Drovers, Claire quickly jumped out of the car and reached for her bag, Alex held out to her. "We do have to talk about this, whether or not you want to" Alex whispered to her from the car. She looked around and made sure none of the girls was in sight and then she looked back at Alex and a sigh escaped her lungs. "Just pretend it didn't happen" she said and slammed the car door and walked away from him. It was easier said than done to pretend it never had happened, she knew that but what else could they do?  
It was a mistake and the whole reason why she even slept with him was because she had seen Peter at the hotel. She shook her head of anger in herself - Alex had been nothing but helpful to her, and doing something like this wasn't fair - to any of them.  
She hated herself more than she thought was possible right now and she felt so stupid. Friends didn't sleep with each other but who knew if they could even be friends after this? She stopped her walking, realising what she could have thrown away by doing this.  
"Why are you home already?" a voice asked, pulling her out of her own thoughts. She turned around and saw Tess with a sweaty shirt in her hand.  
"Oh .. " Claire stopped. She wasn't the best liar and Tess _always_ knew when something was up. "We skipped the last presentation and decided to come home early" she continued but Tess kept looking doubtful at her. "You know, lot of work to do here" Claire said and quickly put up her walk towards the house again.  
She placed the bag on the bed and placed herself on the edge of it. She still couldn't grasp her head around what they had done. It was things like this that could mess up a perfectly good friendship. She sighed and let herself fall to the back, as she started to go through the night in her head.  
A small part of her wanted to be back there and hear all the sweet things he was saying. Cause even though he was drunk, she was pretty sure he meant every word of it.  
No, that was so wrong to think. She couldn't take advantages of him like that, she knew what she meant to him and she only jumped in bed with him cause of Peter. What a absolute shitty friend she was. Alex was right, they had to talk things over. She had to apologise for putting them in a situation like that, but not now - She needed time to process it all, understand what really happened.  
She got up from the bed and walked to her closet to find some new clothes, so she could get out there and help the others - Anything to keep her mind busy. She grabbed the first and the best and started to undress herself. Her shirt was still sticky from the drink Alex spilled on her last night and at once, she remembered all of the gentle touches from him. The warmth off his skin, and the soft lips of his.  
She shook her head and closed the closet door and turned around to put on her clothes, but she saw her own reflection in the mirror as she did. She looked at herself and felt utterly disgusted by what she had done to Alex - He hadn't desvered this. She was a mess and she couldn't give him what he wanted. She didn't even know what he wanted, if he wanted anything but she just knew she couldn't. She was still in a position where she alternately missed Peter and hated him to death.  
But if she had to be just a tiny bit true to herself, being with Alex wasn't all that bad as she made it out to be. She felt safe with him, and everything was just a little better in his company - and that was why, that sleeping together was the biggest disaster that could ever happen, because she needed him.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 - What is wrong with us?**

It had been almost a week since Claire and Alex slept together, and none of them had dared to make the first contact. They both knew they had to do something, they couldn't just act like it wasn't a big deal, because it was - and with the business and everything, they simply had to talk.  
Claire shut the gate to the stables after running her third check up on Blaze's foal, Phoenix, that day. She was about a month old by now and she grew so incredibly fast each day. She smiled as she took one last look at them but the smile soon disappeared and was replaced with a worried expression, as she thought about what she was about to do.  
She turned her focus to the ute and made her way over there. With a moment of considering everything one more time and a deep breath she got in, ready to make her way to Killarney. Her and Alex needed to talk. She knew she had told him to pretend it never happened, but they couldn't do that - she couldn't do that. She had to tell him how sorry she was, for everything.  
"I'm gonna be gone for an hour or so" Claire called out the window as Meg walked by the back entrance to the kitchen. "Where you off to?" She asked and stopped her walking. "Just Killarney" Claire said, feeling no need to express why. Meg waved her hand and gave Claire a quick nod on her head, before she disappeared into the kitchen.  
With another deep breath she started the ute and slowly started to drive out of the driveway.

The whole way to Killarney, she had thought about what to say and how to say it. They hadn't seen each other since that day, and it was bound to be at least a bit awkward. She sighed and got out of the ute. She never did things like this, so she wasn't sure what to say in a situation like this. She knocked on the door and waited nervously for some to open. But nobody did. She frowned and looked around. Maybe everyone was out?  
She sighed and made her way down the porch again but half way back to her ute, the door opened behind.  
"Claire?" Alex's voice sounded. He hadn't expected to see her here. "Sorry, I was just taking a nap" he continued, knowing he had taken a long time to open the door. She gave him a nervous smile and started to walk back to the porch. "What are you doing here? Is everything alright with the foal?" He asked a bit worried. Claire rarely stopped by, cause of Harry and Liz - they could be a bit too much at times.  
"We need to talk" she said and stopped in front of him. He felt a weird feeling rush through his body, reminded of what had happened between them. "We can talk in here - There's no one home" he said and moved from the door, so she could step inside.  
They walked down the hall and into the living room. Everything was as she remembered it the last time she was there. "You want anything?" Alex asked and pointed to the kitchen. "No, I'm good thanks" Claire said and gave him a smile. She walked to the window overseeing the backyard, not sure what to do with herself. She nervously walked around, trying her very best not to look at him - She knew she had to, but she still hadn't found the strength to actually do so.  
"You wanted to talk?" Alex asked just as nervous as her. He placed himself on the couch, waited on what Claire had to say, she had been the one in favour of forgetting everything after all. She turned around and made her way to his side. "Yeah" was all she said before she took a seat next to him. "I thought you said we needed to pretend it didn't happen?" Alex asked a bit defensive, after a couple of minutes of silence. Claire shook her head, feeling a bit annoyed by his defend - She couldn't blame him though, it wasn't okay what she had done. "It doesn't really work out that easy" she said and looked at him all Claire like. He snorted - It definitely didn't. The room went silent again. Both trying to think of what to say or more like, how to say it. They both knew what they needed to talk about, it just wasn't easy.  
"Claire"  
"Alex" they both said in unison, drawing out a small smile on both their lips. "You first" Alex said and kept his smile. Claire nodded and looked out the window again, before turning her focus to him. "I think I need to give you an apology" Claire said and bit her lip. "You know, last time .. it shouldn't have happened. I was drunk and I shouldn't have lead you on like that" she continued and desperately waited for him to say something.  
"I'm not sure you lead me on Claire, it just, sort of happened" Alex said and move around on the couch. "Well, I should have stopped it" Claire said and cleared her throat. "It was a mistake, and we both know it" she continued making Alex turn his head.  
"But a good mistake right?" he asked, trying to lighten up the mood. Claire frowned at him and shook her head with a small smile. "How would I remember? I was drunk" she said and watched how a big grin started to form on his lips. "Oh yeah" he said and pushed to her shoulder. They went silent again, both still feeling weirded out from this whole conversation. "But seriously. I'm really sorry Alex" Claire finally said, making him turn his head to her again. "I'm sorry too" Alex said, feeling only regret from the way it had happened and not that it did. He just hated the fact, Claire obviously didn't share his feelings about it.  
"Can we forget it happened?" She asked and he quickly replied with a nod on his head. "Are you sure?" she asked, seeing his eyes change. It was almost like they reflected a tiny bit of hurt or regret, something like that, but she couldn't put her finger on it.  
Alex smiled, trying his very best to put his own feelings aside. "We can forget it never happened" he said with the same old smile. Claire breathed out deeply, relieved that they got through this conversation without much damaged caused.  
"I need to get back out there" Alex said and got on his feet. "Oh yeah" Claire replied and joined him in their walk back to the door.  
"Claire?" he suddenly asked as she had one foot out of the door. She turned around with a yeah and a smile on his face. "I'm glad we talked" he said and took a step closer to her, pulling her in and hugged her tight. Claire smiled for herself and tightened her grip around him. They rarely hugged but it seemed right to do it, and it felt so right in this moment.  
As they pulled away from each other their eyes met. They kept glancing at each other, Alex still holding Claire in his arms. It was like none of them could move, like a invisible attraction started to cover them. With no control over it, he moved his hand and gently stroke away a lock of hair from her face. His heart was starting to beat faster, and so was hers. Both thinking of that night. Even though none of them could remember much about it, a unexplained feeling of warmth still ran through them.  
Alex tilted his head slightly and moved his hand to her cheek. He was still looking at her, as his thumb gently caressed her skin, exploring her lips and fine lines. She closed her eyes, trying to find a reason to end this moment, but she couldn't. It felt so right, in a way she knew it shouldn't. She opened her eyes again and slowly she started to lean herself towards him, leaning on the tip of her toes as she planted a soft kiss on his lips. He kissed her back, feeling all sort of emotions run through his body. He craved for more of her.  
He tightened his grip even more and pulled her closer, closing the front door behind her. Their kisses was getting stronger from each kiss and it was only a matter of time before his logical sense would be long gone. He pushed her up against the light wooden sideboard and knocked down a couple of pictures, as he rested his hand behind her. They continued to share the craving kisses until both of them was out of breath and then they stopped. But it didn't take long for Claire to seek his mouth again but after a few light kisses, Alex stopped and looked at her. "Should we stop?" he asked and without feeling the need to think it through, Claire shook her head. He gave her one more deep kiss before he pulled away, and started to lead her to the stairs holding her hand. As they reached the top of the stairs he pulled her back in and started to kiss her again, long and deep. Their mouths continued to explore each other, as he kept walking forward, forcing her to walk backwards with tiny steps, until she bumped her back against his bedroom door. With a quick move he opened the door, making sure not to break their kiss.

Claire was lying on her side looking around his room. She hadn't been up here for years and it looked the same but yet, very different. She closed her eyes as a feeling of regret washed over her. She just slept with Alex, again. And this time they weren't even drunk. What was she doing?  
"Are you okay?" Alex asked concerned. None of them had spoken for awhile, even looked at each other after the moment of heat had passed. "No" Claire said and sat up. "What the hell are we doing, Alex?" she asked. They couldn't just go around and sleep with each other like this, it was so wrong. Alex joined her, and thought about her question. He had no good answer. Well, he knew why he was doing it - he was attracted to her and he loved her.  
"It's really bad" Claire said and rested her head in her hand. She couldn't shake the feeling of doing something wrong but it felt so right, in the moment. In the moment it felt right and she loved how he made her feel, everytime she was in his presence. Which she hated herself for - In some way, she felt like she was using Alex, well-knowing his feelings for her. She couldn't deny the fact, that she would have ended things with Peter a long time ago, if Alex had told her how he felt - but he hadn't and things wasn't the same anymore. She wasn't the same anymore. Alex kept looking at her, he didn't know what to say but the woman in front of him was obviously in pain and all he wanted was to take the pain away. Claire shook her head and looked at him. "We can't do this" she said and felt a lump in her throat. As much as wanted to, she couldn't. Alex sighed and made himself comfortable using his pillow for support against the headboarder. "Claire …" he said with a low voice. He wanted to tell her, he was ready but Claire cut him off. "No" she said with a soft gentle voice, almost as she knew what he was about to say. She didn't, but she had a feeling and she couldn't hear that right now - it would make everything much more complicated than it already was. He gave her a comforting smile, accepting she wasn't ready to hear him out. She sighed and looked away from him and out the window.  
She had to go but a part of her wanted her to stay - She knew she couldn't, so she shook that feeling off and swung one leg out of the bed, still wrapped in one of the sheets.  
"Don't go" Alex suddenly said and grabbed her gently by the arm. She turned her head and met his eyes. Without saying anything she kept glancing at him, feeling the same exact feeling as downstairs. Alex moved closer to her without breaking their stare. "Please" he said and moved his hand to her cheek before he planted a soft kiss on her lips.  
Claire felt drawn to him once again and it was a fight she had no intention to fight. The feeling of everything being much better with him, started to consume her and she allowed herself to feel better again, at least for a little while - As wrong as it was, that feeling won.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11 - No one can know**

She startled as she felt a warm breath on her neck, followed by a small kiss. She turned around and got met by Alex's big smile. His smile made her smile back but she also felt anxious and nervous. It had been the first day of them working together, also seeing each other since that day in his bedroom and like last time, they hadn't talked about it. They had managed to spend the entire day together and avoid that exact topic - Which made her relieved in a way, because she wasn't exactly sure about what they were doing, if they were doing anything but still. She kinda liked it - and she knew he probably liked it just as much. She had one fear, one remaining thought that kept haunting her. She had a feeling that Alex, was putting more into this than she did. Not because she didn't wanted to, but because she couldn't. Whatever there was going on, needed some strict lines.  
"Can I see you tonight?" he asked hopeful and made room for Claire, so she could shut the gate to the paddock. "I thought that was the plan all along - Go through the budget and everything?" she asked, knowing that wasn't what he was asking for.  
"Yeah, but after" he said and placed his hand around her waist. "mmh?" he said with a low whisper and it made Claire send out a shy smile before she backed away from him. "People can see us" she said and picked up a bucket of curry combs, trying her very best to draw a line between them. "But yeah. We have to talk anyway" she said and looked over her shoulder as she walked by him. Talk, about what? he thought to himself and followed her back to the stables. "What do we need to talk about?"  
"This!" Claire said with a frown on her face, like it was the most obvious thing that needed to be talked about. "But we did talk" Alex said and smiled as he remembered where that talk lead to. Claire snorted and shook her head "Things are different now, I guess" she said and put the bucket back where it belonged. "They are?" he asked and put his arms around her from the back and kissed her on the cheek. It made her smile and feel all warm inside, but it scared her so she pulled herself away from him and turned to look at him. "I'm gonna go now" she said with a half smile and walked passed him. "See you tonight, okay?" she asked, still with her back to him. "Yeah, see ya" Alex said feeling a little low. He was constantly getting mixed signals from Claire, or so it felt anyway and it confused him a lot. He had to know what they were doing, what this was, but he also knew how much she was struggling with everything that had happened with Peter - but he wanted to show her that he was different, if she would allow him to, which he wasn't quite sure she would.

After having worked on the budget for a good hour or so, Claire still hadn't started talking about what she thought that needed to be discussed - And it was starting to irritate Alex a lot more, than he would have thought. She could at least be up front with what she wanted, was that too much to ask for? He didn't think so. But he knew he couldn't march up to her and demand anything, it wasn't his right. She was still hurting and he had to accept that, if he wanted this to go anywhere - but that all depended on Claire of course.  
Claire got up from the dining table with the worksheet in her hand, stretching her legs as she ran through all the numbers. She tried really hard to understand every written number, but there was a lot of them and the amount wasn't all that small either. "Are you sure we need this?" she asked and pointed on the worksheet but took it away from Alex's sight before he could see what she was looking at. He sighed and shook his head at her with a smile - She wasn't really looking for his opinion. He got up and walked to her side and studied the sheet over her shoulder.  
"Are you sure this is calculated right?" she asked and pointed on one of the larger numbers. "Claire .." Alex said, knowing money wasn't exactly something there was a lot of on Drovers at the moment. "Stop worrying so much - That is why we are two in this. We'll figure it all out, okay?" he said but he only got a hmm sound from her, too busy with going through everything on the sheet. "Okay" he said and took the worksheet out of her hands and threw it on the table. It finally made her turn around and face him. At first she looked a bit annoyed by it but then she softened up as saw the look on his face. It wasn't anything in particular, just a simple smile but it was enough to make her just a tiny bit weak in the knees.  
"I think you have something to say" Alex said and placed himself on the edge of the dining table. "Yes" Claire said and started to walk back and forth nervously. She had done a lot of thinking the past days, about them and this - but she wasn't sure she was ready to share her thoughts with Alex, if she even had come to a conclusion as well.  
"Claaaire" he said and stopped her from walking around any longer with his hand. "Right" Claire said and cleared her throat. "I don't really know how to say this or if it's going to make sense but .. " She stopped, trying to figure out how to get the words out. "That night in Adelaide, was clearly a mistake but then it happened again, and .. Well, it felt kinda good. Or, really amazing actually." She stopped again, feeling her cheeks go red and she instantly felt shy from saying it, as Alex kept looking at her with a big weird smile on his face. "Anyway. You know what happened with Peter and I'm not in a place where I can even consider going into anything, at all. But I also have this … feeling of being better when I'm with you"  
"Claire, what are you trying to say?" Alex asked confused and crossed his arms, trying his very best to understand where she was going with all of this.  
"I guess I'm trying to say, that I like being with you but that I can't _be_ with you. I mean, maybe we could continue doing what we are doing now and just see how it goes down the line?" she said and looked hopeful at him. "I think I need to understand this correctly" Alex said and got on his feet again. "You are asking me, if we can have casual sex now and then?"  
"Well, yeah. I guess. No strings attached, just you and me" she said and waited for him to say something. He took a moment to grasp his head around what she had just asked him. Normally he was the one asking such a question and hearing it from Claire, felt really weird. He frowned at her, really going through pros and cons - but he quickly came to the decision that were more that talked for it than against it. He loved her after all and he would take anything he could from her.  
"Well" he said and walked to her with a teasing smile. "If we are going to this, I need to know, no - I demand that we are inclusive. No sleeping with others, just you and me. Alright?"  
Claire thought about his demand, it seemed fair. Not that she had planned on sleeping around with anyone else and it was a good comfort knowing he wouldn't be doing it either. "Okay" She said and nodded. "But, this isn't a relationship. You don't owe me anything and I don't owe you anything, just that we don't sleep around. If some of us feel like it needs to end, it ends, okay?" she asked and got a nod from Alex. "And no one can know"  
"Yeah yeah" Alex said and took a step towards her, pulling her in. "Alex I mean it" she said as he started to kiss her on the neck. "No one can know, I heard you" Alex said and repeated her own words and then he continued to smother her neck with kisses.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 - Careful**

"Morning" Tess said and walked in the kitchen to join the others for breakfast. They all gave her a quick greeting back and continued to eat their food and sip of the coffee.  
"How's everything going with the business?" Tess asked and took a seat across the table from Claire. "Oh yeah, good - We are going to get the new horse ring set up today and then we'll go looking for a horse or two to train" Claire answered with a self-satisfied smile and took another bite of her toast. The last two months had been very productive for their business, they were finally starting to go somewhere with it - It wasn't just talk and budgets anymore.  
"I thought you wanted to train Phoenix?" Tess asked confused and took the plate Meg was holding out for her. "Oh I will, but she won't be ready for another 15 months" Claire said with her mouth full of food. "So, what? You are going to buy horses?"  
"That's the plan" Claire said and walked to the sink with her now empty plate. "Buy them cheap, train them and sell them for double of what we gave"  
"You didn't think to run it by me first?" Tess asked a bit defensive. If she was going to spend that much money, she would think she had the right to know. "I don't need to, you're not my business partner" Claire said and gave her a cheeky smile. "No, but .. It's still our money"  
"No it's not. It's Alex's" Claire said and looked at her sister with a expression telling, that she had everything under control. "Wait, is Alex buying the horses?" Meg asked, surprised that Harry would agree on that. "He's putting down the capital for everything, until the business gets up and running" Claire said and poured the rest of her coffee out in the sink. "Wonder what Harry says to that" Becky said with a brisk remark, making Jodi smile. "Well, I don't know anything about that" Claire said and brushed their remarks and questions off. She didn't really have to discuss money with them.  
"Speaking of Alex, he's been around a lot lately" Jodi said and gave Claire a teasing look. "Yeah? We work together" Claire said with a obvious look on her face. "He was here pretty late the other day. I saw him drive off around midnight" Tess said, finding it funny to poke to her sister. Claire went silent for a moment, not sure of what to say. They had to be more careful if they were going to continue with what they were doing. "There's a lot of details to sort out" Claire said quickly and made a move for the door. "I need to check up on some feed" she continued, feeling the need to get away from that conversation and fast.  
She made her way across the court, still with all their questions in her head. Maybe they needed to take it down a bit, stop seeing each other as much as they were. She opened the door to the stables and walked towards the bags of feed in the corner. Well, they hadn't really been seeing each other the last couple of days, both too busy with their own thing and she kinda missed him. As much as she hated to admit it, she missed him when he wasn't there. It scared her, a lot. After everything that happened with Peter she kept her guard up, and Alex threatened that more and more - Sometimes it actually felt like they were together, but she couldn't get herself to end what they were doing. It gave her a comfort she was scared to lose. She sighed and started to move a couple of bags away. No, they were both consenting adults, both aware of the agreement and which line not to cross. Beside, after everything with Peter, she was allowed to have a bit of fun and if that fun helped her heal, it was even better.  
Peter. His name stayed on her tongue. She hadn't thought about him in a while and yet she got hit by a pain she thought was gone. It came and went within seconds, but it was enough to make her aware that she wasn't completely healed and that her heart was still trying to mend the broken pieces. She shook her head, trying to get the last remaining thoughts about him out of her head.  
"What ya doing?" Alex voice suddenly sounded. She looked over her shoulder and he instantly saw the pain in her eyes. "Are you okay?" he asked worried and made his way to her. "Yeah" Claire answered with a low voice. "Just checking the feed" she continued and moved another bag. He kept looking at her, didn't believe her when she said she was okay, her expression and voice said it all but he knew pushing her to talk would be no good. So instead he just grabbed a bag and moved it to the others that had already been moved.

"Look, Alex" Claire said and wiped her hands in her shirt. "The others are starting to ask questions"  
"Questions?" he asked confused. "About what?"  
"Us, I guess." Claire answered and started to make her way out of the stables again, followed by Alex. "Tess saw you leave the other night and they've noticed you've been around, a lot lately"  
"Well, what did you tell them then?" he asked, hoping the thing they had going on wouldn't come to an end already. Claire stopped at the fence to the old horse ring, where Blaze and Phoenix was still being kept. "That it was work of course" she said and gave him a teasing smile, making him smile and shake his head. He joined her at the fence and together they looked at their shared dream that was walking around alongside it's mother. "But in all seriousness. We have to be more careful" Claire said and moved her focus to him again. "They can't know" she stated with one firm look. "I know" Alex said with a small smile, trying to shake of her tension but it lingered on to her "Relax will ya?" he said and pushed to her shoulder. "They won't find out - We can just meet at my place"  
Claire snorted at his comment. "Yeah right, with Harry and Liz. I don't think so" she said. If they didn't get caught here they most certainly would at Killarney. "They aren't always home, you know?" Alex said with a smile. "They are almost always home" Claire said with a slight shook on her head and small laugh. "Well, we could go away for a bit. Take a business trip or something" he said and made her frown. Her smile had disappeared and she looked at him with a despondent look. "Alex .." was all she said before she looked at the sky and then back at him, hoping she wouldn't have to remind him about their agreement.  
"I know" he said before she could give him a lecturer. "It's just - I like it, you know" he continued, trying not to be too smothering. A grin started to spread on her face as she looked down, feeling all shy. She did in fact like it very much as well.  
He took a step to the side and leaned his head closer to her. "I guess you just have to be a bit more careful when you call me over so late" he whispered in her ear with a big smile on his face. Claire couldn't help but smile either and her cheeks was starting to turn red from his comment. Why did he always do this? Make her feel all shy and out of herself. She liked it and hated it the same time. It made her feel like she could actually feel something and that gave her hope for the future - that she someday would be ready to face a relationship again but it also terrified her to pieces. She wouldn't want to get hurt like she did with Peter, and she couldn't - if she remained her guard up.  
"We have somewhere to be" She said, still with a smile on her lips and her cheeks burning.  
"I made you blush, didn't I?" Alex asked with a huge grin on his face. "Shut up and get the car" Claire said and shook her head discreetly, feeling out of place. She turned around and started to walk towards the parked car. "You know, cars are great escapes too" he said and made her jump as he grabbed her waist. "Alex!" Claire said firmly but the smile he had caused on her was still soft. He walked by her, laughing, enjoying that he could make her so out of place. She usually had it together, so seeing this side of her was quite new.  
"What's up with him?" Tess asked cheerful, seeing the big grin on Alex's face as they came around the corner to the court. Claire shook her head, thinking about what a tease he could be at times. "Beats me - He's Alex" Claire said with a smile and opened the door to his car. "I'll be back in a couple of hours" she said through the window as Alex started the car. "The drive back and forth, looking at horses, sex in the car - You really do underestimate my doing, don't you?" Alex teased as he slowly started to drive down the graveled road. Claire looked at him mortified by his comment but she couldn't help but send out a heartly laugh. "I reckon we'll be gone the rest of the day, don't you?" he said with a big grin on his face.  
"Shut up!" Claire said and shook her head, still laughing. "Just drive … and there will be no funny business in the car" She continued.  
"There's the pub" Alex joked again but it only made Claire punch him on the shoulder, causing him to lose control over the car for a brief moment. "Driveee" Claire said again, this time more firm but the smile and laugh remained. "Yeah yeah" Alex said with a laugh and turned on the radio. Claire still looked at him with a huge smile, as they passed the Drovers sign and got on the main road. Perhaps he didn't put as much into this as she thought, he seemed pretty chilled about their thing, she would like to think that anyway, with all his joking about it. She shook her head and looked out of the window. He made her really happy and for every laugh she felt like another piece of her heart was glued back together - and she was incredible thankful for that.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13 - Sinking Heart**

She woke to a light snoring and a arm tightened its grip around her. She opened her eyes and stared at Alex's arm and then at the ceiling. What time was it? It was already quite bright outside. She rolled over and took a look at the alarm clock on the bedside table. 6.30 AM. "Shit" She exclaimed and took another look at the time. How could she sleep through her alarm? She never did that. Alex rolled to his back in his sleep, which made her change her focus to him. _No, no, no_ she thought to herself. Why was he still here? This was bad, really bad.  
"Alex!" She pushed to him with a firm hand. "Get up!" she said firmly and started to think about how he could sneak out of there without the others seeing him.  
"Can I get 5 more minutes?" he asked sleepy without looking at her. "No you can't, you need to get up right now!" Claire said and started to panic. "What time is it?" Alex asked and started to open his eyes.  
"It's 6.30" was all she said. She wasn't in the mood for small talking at the moment, she just needed him to get out of there without any of the girls seeing him. "Oh" it took him a moment to understand what she just said. "Oh!" he exclaimed, realising the problem now. "Ugh, I'm sorry Claire. I must have fallen asleep!" he said and sat up. "Did you turn off my alarm?" Claire asked with an annoyed look on her face. "I .. I don't know, maybe" Alex said apologetic, knowing it was quite possible he had been the one to turn it off.  
A small knock on the door sounded, stirred both their direction that way. "Claire?" Tess asked from the other side of the closed door. Alex and Claire shared the same desperate look. But she didn't answer her sister, she kept looking at Alex, hoping he had a way out of this. "Are you dressed? I'm coming in" Tess said and slowly the door knob started to turn.  
"Quick, get under the covers!" Claire said and lifted the sheet. "Are you serious?" Alex asked. They weren't 15 years old anymore. "Just do it!" Claire said and threw the sheet over him. She barely got him covered with the sheet and pillows, before the door opened.  
"Hi!" She said cheerful, perhaps too cheerful. "Is … everything okay?" Tess asked and looked around the room. "Yup! Everything's fine. I'm coming down in a minute"  
"Are you sure? It's almost 7." Tess asked worried. She couldn't help but shake the feeling something was up.  
"Oh yeah. Silly me, I turned the alarm off in my sleep" Claire said and gave her a uncomfortable smile. Tess frowned, why was she acting so weird?  
"I'll be down now. Just need to get dressed" Claire said, trying to get Tess out of the way. "Okay, I'll just meet you down there then" Tess said and started to walk out of the door. "Oh, why is Alex's car still here?" she suddenly asked and turned around. Claire froze. He had to be kidding her, the car?!  
"What?" Claire asked, trying to sound like she had no clue about what she was on about. "Oh, he's probably already here. We have a lot to go over today"  
"No, I'm pretty sure I never saw him leave last night" Tess said and looked at Claire and the bed doubtful. "He left, yeah - Right about 10 I think"  
A very suspicious hmm sound was all Claire got from her sister, before she walked out of the door and closed it behind her.  
"The car?!" Claire said and pulled the covers off him. Alex looked at her with a 'I'm sorry'-look but that didn't do much. "Okay, this is what we gonna do" Claire said and got out of the bed. "I go down stairs, and as soon as I have everybody out doing the chores, I come back for you"  
"Come on Claire, is that really necessary?" Alex asked and got out of bed. "We are adults, we can do what we want to do - So what if they see us?" he asked and started to walk towards her. "Do I have to remind you about our agreement?" Claire asked and looked at him with a firm look. He sighed. This, thing, they were doing was actually starting to be pretty tough on him. He said yes to the whole thing, hoping Claire would see that she could be happy with him, that he was there for her and he wouldn't do the same thing Peter did to her. But now, 4 months in, things hadn't changed a bit.  
"Would it be so bad if they saw us?" He asked and placed his hands on her shoulders. She looked at him, knowing they couldn't have this talk. They agreed on one thing and they should stick to that. "Alex .." she said with a low voice but she didn't get to say anything before he opened his mouth again.  
"No. We have been doing this for 4 months now Claire. Would it be so bad to move on things?" he asked, hoping she would she the logic. He knew she liked him, why would she sleep with him if she didn't? Claire wasn't that type of woman.  
"Move on what? We agreed this was just sex" Claire said and looked questionable at him. She feared this would happen - She might even knew it would, at some point. She wished she could just be with him, she really did but she was scared. She couldn't end up in that hole again, she wouldn't allow herself to get to that state, ever again.  
"What if it's not just sex anymore?" Alex asked with a gentle whisper. "What if it's more? I know you feel it" he continued, making her bend her head. She made a light shook on her head and looked at him with tears in her eyes. She did feel it, very much indeed - just as much as him but that didn't change the fact she couldn't be feeling it. "Alex, we can't" she said trying her best to keep the tears inside. "Why not? Give me one reason why this can't be more than sex!" he said, feeling slightly irritated by the constant wall around her. She looked to the floor and sighed. "We just can't, okay?" she said with a more firm voice, too afraid to tell him the truth. Alex shook his head, as much as it pained him to say what he was about to say, being in this, pained him more. He loved her so much and he wanted everything with her, not just a tiny part of something.  
"If you can't, we need to stop this" he said and made her look at him. "I can't do this anymore, Claire." his word caused a great deal of pain to her, he could see it in her eyes and he hated that, but he had to look out for himself as well. This was painful for him to stay in - He couldn't go everyday wishing to get the full package when he wouldn't.  
He turned around and started to get dressed. It took him a few moment to find every piece of clothes and while he did that, Claire remained silent and frozen in place. She felt her heart sink. It felt like she had lost everything important too her, which was the exact feeling she wanted to avoid. "Wait, you can't go down there" Claire said as he passed him. "I'm not staying up here as some kinda secret, Claire. I'm going - Tell them whatever you need to tell them but it's just too much" he said and walked out the door, making it slam shut behind him. She kept looking at the door, wondering where everything went wrong and why she couldn't just tell him that she was scared, that she wanted this, him - but she just couldn't. A light stream of tears started to fall to her cheeks and her heart just kept sinking more and more.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14 - She wants to but she can't**

He left. He actually really up and left. She kept her stare at the door, too in shock to really understand it. At this point she didn't even care about the girls, if they saw him or not - She just wanted him back. She never thought he would be the one to end it between them, she always imagined she would be the one to do that.  
It wasn't until she heard the car take off outside, that she was brought back from all the thoughts that kept racing in her head. She felt so stupid and angry with herself, for not being open with Alex. She had the chance and she blew it, just because she had to be so scared of feeling something ever again.  
She moved her focus from the door and to the bed, they had been in minutes ago. She had it all there, or at least the opportunity to have it all and now she was left with nothing. It almost felt worse than her break off with Peter, and her and Alex wasn't even dating.  
"Claire?" Tess's voice reached her from behind. She turned around with tearful eyes and Tess knew something wasn't right. She made her way to Claire and placed a comforting arm on her shoulder. "I messed up, Tess" Claire said with a low voice, trying not to cry. Tess smiled at her, a smile telling her everything was going to be alright. She was surprised her instinct had been right - She just knew something was up. Alex was over way too much.  
"What about…" Tess said and guided her back in bed. "We have a sister day today, starting in this bed, with our pj's on and then you can tell me all about what happened with Alex" Tess continued and crawled up in the bed with Claire. She wasn't sure if Claire agreed with it but she had to talk about what just happened, and why Alex stormed off without as much as look at them downstairs, and why she was trying to hide them being together.  
Tess tucked the sheet around Claire's legs, making her frown at her. "Sorry" she said, knowing she was pampering too much. Claire kept her displeased look and moved one of her legs out of the sheet, almost as if it was some kind of protest. Tess couldn't help but smile with a shook on her head. That was Claire for you alright.

"So, let me see if I got this right" Tess said and looked very intensely at Claire. "You and Alex wasn't dating, you were just …" she stopped, trying to process what Claire just had told her. "just having sex" Claire finished the sentence for her and sighed. But it wasn't just sex, she knew that and she had for a while - It was exactly what Alex had been saying to her this morning as well. Tess still looked speechless at her sister, having a really hard time understanding that she would have that kind of a relationship, it was so unlike her.  
"But why did he rush out of here this morning?" Tess asked, remembering him coming down the stairs in a hurry. Claire sighed again and looked away. Why was it hurting so much? Claire shrugs her shoulders, as to say she didn't really wanted to talk about it - but Tess wouldn't let her get off the hook that easy.  
"Claire" Tess said with a firm voice, letting her know she wouldn't drop this. "Because we got in a fight about this whole arrangement" Claire said and looked away again. They shouldn't have started anything to begin with, she just felt so safe, so protected with him. She took in a deep breathe, somewhere deep down she had hoped for the exact same thing to happen, as he did - That she would open up and learn to trust again. Why couldn't she? He had done nothing to make her not trust him. She closed her eyes - It could all be traced back to Peter.  
"And what was this arrangement exactly?" Tess asked wondering. "I mean, was it because one of you wanted more or was it the terms of the whole thing?" she continued. Claire finally looked at her again. She could see it bothered her, that she didn't feel like talking about it but she had to.  
"We agreed that anyone of us could end it at any given time, if we couldn't do it anymore. I guess he couldn't" Claire finally spoke, trying her very best to keep the sadness at a distance. "But why?" Tess asked with the same wondering voice. "He doesn't strike me as someone who would say no to sex - He's Alex"  
"I know!" Claire hissed at Tess. Could she just stop with all the questions already, it made her even more sad. "He always has it going with someone. So why, there must be a reason for it?" Tess continued, ignoring the fact Claire was getting more and more upset. "Because he loves me!" Claire said and looked at Tess with firm eyes. "He loves me, okay?" Claire spoke again, this time in a much lower voice and a couple of tears had found their way to her eyes. Tess's surprised look from Claire's outburst slowly started to turn into a comforting one. Claire shook her head, feeling a light stream of tears escape. Saying it out loud made her realise what she had thrown away.  
"He said that?" Tess asked gently and put a arm around her shoulder. Claire shook her head. "No" she snivelled and tried to dry away the tears and collect herself again. "I overheard it a while back. I had just started seeing Peter. Alex and Nick had a talk outside on the veranda. Alex told Nick how much he disliked Peter, and that he loved me"  
Tess sighed in compassion with Claire. "And you love him too, don't you?" she asked and made Claire turn her head. She nodded, unable to say the words out loud. "But why the big fight then?"  
"Because I couldn't tell him, Tess" Claire said and felt the lump in her throat grow bigger. "What, that you love him?" Tess asked and moved herself to the middle of the bed. "Why not?" she asked again, seeking Claire's eyes.  
"I couldn't tell him because I'm scared - I don't want to have to deal with everything all over again" Claire said and even heavier tears started to fall down her cheeks, making small marks of water on the sheet. Tess gave a her comforting smile and took her hand. "That's silly Claire. Alex isn't Peter - Just because Peter wasn't a great guy, doesn't mean all men are bad" Claire shook her head - She knew that, which made everything much more painful. "I think you should tell him" Tess suddenly said, made Claire look at her again. "No, it's too late to tell him now. He made his choice, Tess"  
"You didn't give him much of a choice, did you?" Tess answered, feeling like Claire was being stupid. Of course she couldn't begin to fathom how she felt and she couldn't tell her how to feel, but she was being stupid. Alex was a really great guy.  
Claire snorted and moved to the edge of the bed. She stayed there for a while, thinking about what Tess had just said. She was right, she didn't leave him with any choice but to end things - Not that she would let her know. And it was too late. She knew plenty of the girls Alex had been with, and there only ever was one chance with him. He was probably already thinking about his next encounter - If she knew him as well as she would think she did.  
"This is stupid" Claire said and got out of bed and made her way to closet. She pulled out an old shirt and a couple of jeans. "We can't stay here all day" she said and started to get undressed. Tess looked both annoyed and worried at her sister. She was doing it again. Running away from her problems, like she always did - but she knew nothing good would come out of pressuring her to talk. She had to see it herself before she would listen. Tess got out of bed with a sigh and walked to her sister's side. "I really do think you should tell him" she said before she left the room. Claire looked her way and then back at the reflection staring at her. The same old fear wouldn't let her, even if she wanted to - and she wanted to, oh so badly.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15 - It's a mess**

"I'm gonna head back to Killarney, it will get too hot to keep building after lunch" Alex said dripping in sweat form the bathing sun. "Yeah, you are starting to smell" Claire said and gave him a joking smile. "Well someone has to do the work" Alex said cheekly and took off the tool belt. Claire shook her head with a smile, he was so full of himself sometimes.  
"Same time tomorrow?" he asked and walked to her. She nodded with a smile and took the tool belt from his hands.  
"Alright, see you tomorrow then" he said and smiled at her a bit longer than needed. "Yeah" Claire said and gave him a smile before turning around to gather the rest of the tools. A couple of weeks had passed since they ended things. It was awkward and weird at first, but then they talked - not about what happened that morning in the bedroom that was. None of them felt like ripping that wound open again, so instead they just promised each other to make it work - They had a business running after all. It took them a bit of time to get back to where they were before everything happened, but they meant too much for each other not to make an effort, so they did. And now they talked and joked like they always had - They even got their first horse to train in a couple of days. Sure the same feeling found them now and then, both ignoring it, too afraid to open up for something too painful. "Okay, I'm gonna go now" Alex said and pulled himself away from the moment, knowing what damage it had caused last time around. "Righto" Claire said with a smile over her shoulder and moved her focus back to the tools on the ground. She purposely waited long enough at the new horse ring they were building, for his car to take off, before she made it back to the stables. She still hated seeing him leave, so if she never actually saw him take off, it didn't affect her as much.  
"Claaaire, lunch is ready" Meg called out from across the court. "Alright, coming" Claire called back and hang the tool belt back on its place. She wasn't really feeling like eating, hadn't been for some days but she was always hungry. She was also constantly tired to a point where she found herself take a nap the other day - She never napped but she brushed it off and blamed it on the heat, it was in the middle of summer after all.  
"Where the others?" Claire asked as she got back to the kitchen, seeing only Meg there. "Oh, Beck and Jodi is out in Little Regret and Tess should be here any minute" she replied and reached out a plate for her. Claire took it, even though she was fairly sure the sight of the food would make her stomach twist and turn. And it did. She kept looking at the sandwich in front of her, feeling disgusted by every piece of meat and green in it.  
"What's wrong?" Meg asked, noticing that Claire yet again didn't eat. "Nothing" Claire said with a smile and took a bite off the sandwich - She was perfectly fine, even though a part of her knew something wasn't feeling normal. Meg kept studying her, she clearly struggled with keeping just one bite in and she wasn't a fool - she had been there herself. And it would make sense with the whole mess with Alex, it wasn't impossible her lack of eating and feeling tired all the time, was caused from something else than the heat.  
"You're not hungry?" Meg asked, trying to lead the conversation to where she wanted. Claire looked up for her plate, still chewing on the same mouthful. "Or you just don't like it? I can make you a new one" she continued and got up from the chair. "Oh no, this is fine" Claire said fast, afraid another plate of food would tip her over the edge. "I just need some water, that's all" Claire said and tried to smile as she walked to the sink. She downed a glass of water quickly to get the taste out of her mouth but it lingered on.  
"You know what Claire?" Meg asked and started to rummage through one of the cabinets. She pulled out a pack of crackers and placed a couple of them on a new plate. She placed it on the table and guided Claire back to the table.  
"What?" She asked and took a seat again. She kept looking at the crackers in front of her and weirdly she didn't feel as disgusted by them as she had with the sandwich Meg had prepared.  
"I think you are pregnant" Meg's words felt like a bucket of cold water was thrown right in her face. "What?!" Claire asked surprised, like she couldn't believe what she was hearing but actually she could. It woke the deep feeling she had inside of her of something not being right. "Your off your food, you napped the other day and no - that wasn't cause of the heat. I know that and you know that deep down" Meg said kindly and moved the plate of crackers closer to her. "And these … Doesn't make you feel just as sick, do they?"  
Claire shook her head, unable to speak - realising in that moment, that the feeling she had been having was that all along. "I thought so" Meg said with a smile and placed her hand on top of hers. "You should eat some of them. It helps when you can't eat anything" She said and kept looking at Claire as she sat down across her.  
"You really think I'm …" Claire stopped, she couldn't get the word out of her mouth. "Pregnant? Yeah" Meg answered and saw how Claire's eyes got big. "I can't know for sure of course but I think a test would be a good idea" Meg said and gave Claire a gentle smile. "But, how" Claire asked openly making Meg let out a small laugh. "I think you know how"  
"Yeah but .. " She stopped. Was she really going to talk about this with Meg?  
"But what?" Meg asked. Claire sighed - Why not, she had practically functioned as a mother for her through the years. "We were always careful" Claire almost whispered, afraid some of the others would walk in. Meg smiled and leaned her over the tabled. "Is it possible that you and Alex wasn't _always_ .. careful?"  
Claire's eyes got big again as she remembered one time in particular, where the heat of the moment got a bit too much. "Shit" she exclaimed rather loud and looked at Meg. "I need a test" Claire stated, knowing there was a great possibility she could be pregnant.  
"What test?" Tess asked and took a place at the table. "Oh, nothing" Claire quickly said. She wouldn't say anything to the others, not even Tess, before she was absolutely sure. Meg looked doubting at her, she wasn't sure if keeping Tess out of it was a good idea but she couldn't tell Claire how to go around it.  
"Hey, you are going into town later, right?" Claire asked. "Yeah, right after lunch. Wanna come?" Tess answered, busy eating her sandwich. Claire frowned at the sight of it. "Yeah .. Can you just find me when you are done?" Claire said and got on her feet quickly. "I'll be at the stables"  
"What's up with her?" Tess asked and looked the way Claire had disappeared. Meg didn't say anything, she just smiled and started to wash up a couple of knives, too afraid she would say something she shouldn't.

"You got everything you need?" Tess asked as they met up at the ute again. "Yup" Claire said quickly and tightened the grip on the small plastic bag she was holding in her hand.  
"What was so important that you couldn't wait until I was finished with the groceries?" Tess asked with a cheeky smile. "Oh, it was nothing. Just had to buy some aspirins and stuff like that before I forgot"  
"Stuff like that, huh?" Tess replied doubtfully. "They have aspirins at the store, Claire" she continued and looked at Claire and the bag in her hand. Claire desperately tried to figure out what to say but she couldn't think of anything. "Let's go!" She happily said, too eager to get out of there and away from the conversation.  
"So, are you going to tell me what's really in the bag?" Tess asked 30 minutes into the drive back. "I did. It's aspirins" Claire said and tried her best to seem collected. "Claire, I'm your sister. I know when you lie" Tess said, not believing a word of what her sister was telling her. "I'm not lying Tess" Claire said and cleared her throat. She had bought aspirins and a little more, but she was just not telling her about everything in the bag. It wasn't lying, it was leaving out some stuff.  
"Yeah you are. You get that weird line in your forehead!"  
"What line?" Claire asked confused and looked her briefly. " _That_ line right there!" Tess said and looked at Claire and then at the bag, debating with herself whether or not she should just open it. Claire sighed, she could might as well just come clean to her, knowing she would have Tess on her back all the way home. Beside, it would probably not hurt to share it with someone. "Okay fine." Claire said and pulled over. She turned to face Tess, who was sitting patiently, waiting on what Claire had to tell.  
"I think .. " She stopped. The word was not easy to get across her lips. "I think I might be pregnant" she tried again and noticed Tess's jaw drop. "Pregnant?!" She repeated. Claire nodded and leaned herself back in the seat. "As in pregnant, for real?" She asked again. Tess was thrown back by the bomb Claire just dropped, she hadn't expected it to be this when she pushed for an answer. "How can you be fake pregnant?" Claire frowned and looked at her sister again. "Are we seriously going to have a baby?" Tess asked all excited, ignoring her sisters comment. She knew what she meant.  
"Yeah relax over there, will ya? We don't know anything yet, okay?" Claire said. She couldn't be happy or sad for a baby she wasn't even sure existed yet. Right now, all she could think about was, that if she was pregnant it would be a crazy mess, and she wasn't sure how Alex would react when he found out - It just shouldn't have happened.  
"Well what are we sitting here for? Drive, so we can get back and take the test!" Tess said eagerly. Claire shook her head and tiny grin appeared - Why did her sister have to be so cheerful when she tried not to be, it made it quite hard.

"It has two lines" Tess said and looked over Claire's shoulder. "Does this mean that you are …"  
"Yup" Claire said and cut her off. "Pregnant" - this time the word came more easy to her, it was like seeing the result on the stick made her realise it was real and there was no hiding from it anymore. "This is huge, Claire!" Tess said and followed her back into her bedroom. "No, it's a mess -that's what it is" Claire said with a firm voice and placed herself on the edge of the bed, still holding the pregnancy test in her hand. "A baby is not a mess, Claire - It's a gift" Tess stated and took a seat next to her. Claire sighed and shook her head. "That might be the case when you are still with the father of the baby"  
"Oh, right" Tess said and instantly felt bad for being so hyped about the pregnancy. "What are you gonna do Claire?" she asked and made sure to tone her excitement down.  
"The only thing I can do - I have to talk to Alex" Claire said and looked at Tess. Her eyes was a mix of fear and hurt but she couldn't make out which took up most of the space at this point, so she gave Claire a comforting smile and placed her head on her shoulder. "What about after you've talked?" She asked and felt Claire breathe out heavily. "I don't know Tess, I really don't know. Right now I just know that he needs to be told" Claire said and rested her head on Tess's. She wasn't sure how Alex would react, if he even wanted kids - but there was that time where one of his ex's placed her baby at his doorstep, saying it was his. Turns out it wasn't. He looked so hurt when he found out he wasn't the dad after all, which made her think he wanted kids but he had never talked about it, not with her anyway.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16 - It's our mess**

She walked the few meters from the ute to the front door - Every step felt like she was being pulled under, like someone had tied a rock to her feet and threw her overboard to sink. She knew what she was going to say, what she needed to say but not how. She wasn't even sure how he would respond to it. He might even freak out, which she wasn't sure she could handle - She was freaking out enough for both of them.  
She Took in a deep breath and rang the doorbell. It took awhile before someone answered, enough time to make her question everything, doubting whether or not she should tell him anything but she couldn't exactly keep it from him. Finally Liz came in sight at the door and interrupted her downhill spiral she was on her way down.  
"Claire?" She said surprised. Claire smiled at her, not knowing what to say. She might have known Liz for years but she never really socialized with her. At least not more than she had to - And she hadn't really thought off running into her, when going through the scenario in her head. "Well, come in!" Liz said again, still surprised to see Claire there.  
"Is everything okay?"  
Claire snorted at her question. No, everything wasn't exactly okay but she couldn't tell her that. "Yeah yeah, I just need to see Alex" She said and tried her very best to seem collected. "He's just outside with Harry and Nick. We were about to grab some dinner, you want to join us?"  
"Oh, no thanks" Claire quickly said and started to curse herself for going there doing dinner. Just the thought of it made her feel sick to her stomach.  
"Look who's here" Liz happily said as they walked towards the others in the backyard. "What a surprise! What do we owe the honor?" Harry asked and got on his feet to shake her hand. "I just need to talk with Alex for a second" Claire answered and send them all a smile. Alex got on his feet fast and quickly made his way to her. He already had a worried look on his face, and she hadn't even told him yet. "Is everything okay?" Alex asked as he got to her side. He saw right through her smile - even if she tried, she couldn't fool him. "No, we need to talk" Claire almost whispered so the others wouldn't hear it.  
He looked around for a moment to figure out where they best could talk, and then his eyes caught the house. They could talk in private there while the others enjoyed their dinner by the pool. "It'll just be a moment" He said to the others and guided Claire back to the house.

"What's wrong?" He asked and seeked her eyes but she kept looking anywhere but at him. Claire felt a few tears pressing to get out - She hated the fact that they had put themselves in a situation like this. All the way into her bones she hated it. Not Alex, and really not the baby either but the mess and everything along with it. "Claire, are you crying?" he asked surprised and made her turn his way. "I'm sorry" Claire snivelled and quickly dried of her tears. "Don't be, just talk to me" Alex said with a comforting voice and a smile to match.  
She breathed out and shook off the last of the nerves before she dared to open up for it.  
"You know that time, where things got a little heated and we got caught in the moment?" She asked, hoping it could lead his mind on the right track. Alex frowned at her, was she trying to tell him she wanted to pick up where they left?  
"Do you?" She asked again, this time with a bit more harsh voice. "Well yeah, I suppose" Alex said and kept his confused look. "Claire, what's the matter? You are driving me crazy here" he continued as she kept silent.  
Claire exhaled, she had no good way of telling him - Was there even a good way? The best she could do was just tell him as it was. So she pulled out the pregnancy test she had in her pocket. "This, is what's the matter" she said and showed him the result. He froze, making Claire's heart race for its life. She didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing - but at this point it really didn't matter, her heart would probably have been beating out of her chest anyway. "This is a pregnancy test" he said and took it from her hand. He looked at her and then back at the test, almost as if he was dealing with a very hard puzzle. "You're pregnant?" he finally asked and looked back at her with a face that only showed one thing. Shock. "How long have you known?" he suddenly asked and lowered his hand.  
"I just found out, Alex" Claire said, almost as he was judging her or something. He looked back at the positive test in his hand, trying to progress everything.  
"It's okay if you don't …"  
"Don't what?" He cut her off and looked back at her with a firm look. "If you don't want to … be a dad…" the words killed her to say and the tears from earlier pressed to come out again. "If I don't want to?" he asked surprised. "Yeah, I mean - We aren't even together or anything" Claire said and started to cry. "It's all just one big mess" she continued sobbingly, making him draw out a tiny smile and pull her in for a hug.  
"Just because we aren't together …" He stopped. It killed him to say the words out loud, he still secretly wanted to be with her, but he knew he couldn't act on it, not again. "Just because we aren't together, doesn't mean I won't own up to my responsibility." He continued and made her look at him. "It might be a mess, but it's our mess. Okay?" he said comforting, which made her slow down her crying.  
"Are you saying you want his?" She asked both surprised and in tears. She wasn't sure what she had expected but she hadn't counted on it being this easy. "Are you kidding me? Yeah!" Alex said happily and a huge smile appeared on his lips. Claire couldn't help but match his smile - They were actually going to have a child together. They were going to be parents. It felt so surreal to think about but it filled her with a lot of warm feelings, but also a great deal of concern. It was the first time for them both, none of them would know anything about it and finally - They weren't a couple. She stopped and felt her stomach twist. Not in a pregnant kind of way, but because knowing that being with Alex wouldn't be an option was too hard to think about, when all she really wanted was to be just that.  
As her thoughts about not being with him kept running on repeat, her smile slowly disappeared. Making it work, would be hard but they had to.  
"Can we … wait before telling anyone?" Claire asked. "It's all very confusing and I still need to see the doctor. We also have to figure out what to say to everyone and ... "  
"Claire stop" Alex said and held a hand up. "One step at the time. We'll get an appointment at the doctor and after that we'll figure out what to tell everyone, okay?" he asked and smiled at her gently. "We?" She asked surprised.  
"Yeah - You didn't think I would let you go to these things alone, did you?" Alex asked and kept his stare at her. Just like everything else, she wasn't sure - She hadn't even thought about having him there but it made sense. He was the dad after all.  
"Are you alright in here?" Liz's voice suddenly sounded from the garden door. It pulled them both out of the precious moment and Claire quickly dried her tears. "Yep, everything is fine" she said with a smile, hoping it would convince Liz - but it didn't. "I'd better go" Claire quickly continued and turned around. She couldn't deal with Liz right now and seeing the look on her face, she knew she would have to if she didn't get out of there in a hurry.  
"Hey" Alex whispered and grabbed her gently by the arm. "I'm coming by later tonight, okay? we'll finish talking" he continued, making sure Liz couldn't hear anything. Claire nodded on her head and started to walk towards the door. She left Killarney, relieved, knowing that Alex was there, that he wasn't freaking out - At least not as much as she was. He made it feel like it was something they could easily work out, well knowing it would take a lot of hard work.

Later that night Alex dropped by as he had promised. He made his way straight to the back of the house, seeing Claire alone on the veranda. She hadn't noticed him yet, so he kept still and took in her presence, admiring her from afar. He smiled and felt his heart skip a beat. He wasn't over her, he didn't wanted to be over her but he kinda had to, he knew that - but for now he was still head over heels in love with her, and she was going to be the mother of his child - something he actually looked forward to. He was surprised, yes, and he hadn't expected it to happen but he felt ready, and he couldn't wish for someone else to be the mother of his first child than Claire. She was perfect in every way.  
He sighed - The only thing that dimmed the happiness was knowing that him and Claire couldn't be together.  
"Hey" Alex said with a low voice and started to walk to her side. Claire turned her head, a bit startled by him but then she smiled. A smile that filled him with more joy than he could dare to dream of. It was like he was back in the same state of wanting her, as he had been when they first started to get involved with each other - and that feeling both killed him and made him feel wholesome at the same time.  
"Hi" she answered and studied him as he placed himself on the bench next to her. He let out a deep breath and placed his arm on top of the backrest. "So" he said and turned to look at her. Their eyes met and none of them pulled away from that moment that was capturing them. They kept sitting like that for a couple of seconds, just looking at each other. Both feeling the same feeling, only difference was that Claire knew she couldn't feel like that. The fear of getting that hurt again still lingered onto to her, it wouldn't let go.  
Alex broke the stare and with a smile he looked out on the night sky, that was filled with stars that shined brighter than they had any other night the last couple of weeks. "We really gonna have a baby huh?" he finally continued and looked back at her. His smile was even bigger now and Claire couldn't help but smile back. "How do you feel about it?" she asked and watched how his face got more serious but yet still relaxed and calm.  
"I'm surprised but also happy" Alex answered and saw the surprised look on Claire's face. "You are?" she asked and frowned. From their short conversation earlier she should already know how he felt, she just had to make sure he was really feeling it too. It wasn't something you could regret and if there was a chance he would, she needed to know now.  
"Of course!" He stated and moved his upper body her direction. "Why wouldn't I be happy - We are going to have a child!" he continued making Claire send out a small laugh. He was really looking forward to this, wasn't he?  
"Even .. " She wanted to ask about them and what happened but she stopped herself - she wasn't sure she would want to know the answer. "Even what?" he asked and seeked her eyes. "Even after everything that has happened?" Claire continued with a low voice and looked away from him. She couldn't look him in the eyes when he answered that - It wasn't like she wanted things to end, she actually wished it could have worked out, that she somehow could shake the feeling off that Peter had left her with. Alex sighed and kept looking at her - He understood why she had that barrier up, Peter had put her through hell and it was natural to be scared. But this was him, he wouldn't ever do that to her.  
"Claire …" he said and reached for her hand. She slowly turned her head, looking alternating on their hands and at him. "You know. I should have told you this a long time ago but …" he stopped. He wasn't sure if it was wise to say anything but he felt like he had to. "I love you" he continued and felt his heart race. "I know it's not what you want to hear and that it probably won't do you any good. But I'm here, okay? I'm not going anywhere. I'm gonna take my share of this and we are gonna make it work. We are a family now and I'm not running away from my responsibilities"  
His words had caused tears to her eyes. She loved him too, she really did but the same old voice inside of her kept telling her she couldn't. She sighed. If he had told her how he really felt before Peter came into her life, maybe things would have been different. "Since we are being honest" Claire spoke and looked away from him again. She hadn't planned on telling him, ever but it felt like she needed to. "I already knew you love me" she said with a low voice and looked back at him. "You know?" Alex asked surprised. How could she know when he hadn't told her? She nodded and looked out at the sky again. "I heard you and Nick talk" she continued like it was fine but it wasn't. Alex got more surprised and it took him a minute to process the fact she knew what had been a secret for so long. After a while he shook his head and took his eyes off her. If she knew, why hadn't she told him? and did it mean that she didn't love him?  
"Why didn't you say anything?" Alex asked with a low voice, yet firm. Claire turned her focus to him again - The answer to his question was obvious but how she wished she had. "I was with Peter…" she said and felt a sting of heartache find its way to her. Alex snorted and looked at her. His facial expression had changed and he seemed genuinely mad and sad at the same time. "Just barely! You hadn't known him for more than a couple of months. You should have told me! I think I deserved that much" Alex said and started to raise his voice. "You deserve it?!" Claire answered with a voice just as firm and loud. If anyone deserved to know it, it was her. She could have been spared for so much hurt and pain if he had gotten his act together back when he had the chance. "How about _I_ deserved to know, Alex? You had plenty of time to tell me but you didn't - You kept acting like those words never crossed your lips. How do you think it made me feel?" Claire continued. She was feeling a anger towards the fact Alex never said anything, a anger she had buried, a anger she thought was gone. Alex didn't say anything, he kept looking at her. Speechless - Mostly because she was right, he should have told her.  
"If you had told me …" Claire stopped and looked away from him with a shook on her head. "If you had told me, I wouldn't have gotten this far with Peter" she continued and felt the old wound from the heartache show its face again. Her words came as a surprise to him and he felt more of a idiot now than he did before. He reached for her hand again, letting her know he was truly sorry without saying a word.  
"I've been such an idiot" he said after a while and gave her smile begging for her forgiveness. "Yeah and a big one" Claire said and tried not to smile as the words crossed her lips. It made Alex draw out a smile, followed by a tiny shake on his head. One look at each other and they burst out laughing - The reason was unclear but everything that had happened the last months was just so out of this world and now this. It was almost too much to handle that laughing just seemed like the best way out of this.  
"We really are a mess, aren't we?" Alex asked between his laughs. "Just a bit" Claire answered and kept laughing with a big grin on her face. After a while the laughing wore off and it was like the conversation never had happened but it had - They both knew it but somehow none of them felt the need to dig into it further.  
"We'll pull through this together, right?" Alex asked, making Claire turn her face towards him. "Yeah, we will" she answered with a gentle smile and eyes to match. She was certain that they would figure out how to do this, the best way possible. Alex returned her smile and placed his arm around her and pulled her close. He kissed her on top of her head as it was natural and then he took in a deep breath, as he looked to the stars. "We are going to have a kid" he said, almost like it was the first time it really became clear for him. Claire smiled and tucked her head closer onto his chest. They were indeed going to have a child and somehow all the fear and doubt was starting to leave her body. Being here with him made it feel like it was destined, like it couldn't be any other way - no matter what the future held for the two of them.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17 - This Is Our Story**

"Where you two going?" Jodi asked as Claire and Alex walked to his car. "Oh, just heading into town" Claire quickly said and smiled nervously to Alex. Know one knew about the doctor's appointment expect from Tess and Meg, and she would prefer it stayed that way - at least for now. She wasn't ready to involve people in it just yet.  
"But I thought I was gonna help you finish up the new ring, so the new horse could be trained there" Jodi said, feeling rather annoyed that she had cancelled her self-claimed day off. "Oh shoot, I forgot Jodi" Claire said and opened the door. "You can go help Becky out with the drenching" Claire continued and got in the car.  
"Yeah of course I can" Jodi mumbled to herself and made her way back towards the house. Claire frowned at her back - She never understood Jodi and she wasn't sure she would ever learn to. "Ready?" Alex asked, pulling Claire out of her thoughts and turned her focus to him. She smiled. She was ready but also nervous. She wasn't sure what to expect - All she knew was that they had to run another test, to make sure she really was pregnant, not that there was any doubt left in her.  
"I think we actually have to go inside" Alex said as they had been sitting outside in the car for a good 5 minutes, just staring at the building. "I know" Claire said without taking her eyes off it. "Then let's go" Alex said and opened the door about to get out. "I can't!" her panicked voice made him turn around again. "What do you mean you can't?" he asked and looked worried at her.  
"I'm scared" She spoke again, still with her eyes at the building. "You have nothing to be scared off Claire" Alex said, trying to calm her but it didn't work. "What about when I start to show? What wouldn't people think?" Claire said with a worried voice and a couple of tears started to gather in her eyes. The other night she felt at ease but being here made everything real, and she suddenly got overwhelmed with all these mixed emotions. Alex couldn't help but smile at her. She usually never worried or let it show, so it was quite freeing seeing her like this. "Claire" he said with a gentle voice and moved his hand to her cheek to make her look at him. He kept looking at her without saying anything for awhile and then he did that one thing, that surprised both of them. Slowly he moved his other hand to her stomach and with a gentle smile he kindly stroke the area under his hand with his thumb. "It doesn't matter what people think - The only thing I care about is that you and this baby is doing alright. The rest can think what they want, they don't know our story" Alex said and gave her yet a comforting smile. Claire looked down at his hand on her stomach and then back at him. She felt truly happy in that moment and she couldn't help the tears that started to fall. "Dry your eyes and lets go aigh?" he said gave her stomach one last stroke before he pulled away from her. He was still smiling, loving the fact he could be her rock in hard times - All he ever wanted was to be there for her, truly be there, if she allowed him to.

Alex and Claire was waiting nervously in the doctor's office when he came back in with a chart in his hands. They looked at each other, anxious and too afraid to breathe - if he could just tell them now instead of sitting across the table with a half smile on his face, it would be great. "I just took a look on the test back there" Jim said and threw the chart on his table before he made himself comfortable in the chair. He kept looking at them alternating, almost as he was studying them. "Well, I think you know what I'm about to say but I do have to say it - The test was very positive, no doubt at all" he continued and started to smile even more as both Claire and Alex's facial expression started to change. It slowly sunk in what he had just told them. They already knew it of course but it was a bit different having a professional confirm it.  
"She's … Really pregnant?" Alex asked and looked at Claire and then at the doctor. He smiled and nodded on his head before he started to laugh as Alex looked like someone who wasn't exactly sure what to do with himself. "I've already talked to Bella and she'll take you in for a ultrasound at the end of the hall."  
"Bella?" Claire asked - It wasn't really important who she was but she felt like she needed every bit of information she could grab on to right now. As soon as the doctor had told her she was pregnant everything became unclear and she had no idea what to do or say. "Yeah, it's our nurse. You'll be in good hands with her" Jim said and got up from his chair to lead them towards the door. "Oh, and I guess a congratulation is in order" he said as Alex and Claire was about to walk out of the door. She gave him a half smile, too busy with processing everything - She knew she was pregnant but it still felt like something out of this world, she had no idea how to react. She was happy but shocked.

"Is this okay?" Bella asked with a friendly smile as she pulled down Claire's pants even further. Claire nodded, still speechless about the news they just got confirmed. "The first thing I look for is a heartbeat - We have to make sure there actually is something in there. Sometimes you can test false positive" Bella said and moved the probe around Claire's stomach. "But in this case, we don't need to worry" she said and held the probe in place as a strong beating kinda sound filled the room. "We have a really strong heartbeat right here" she continued with a smile.  
The moment Claire heard the heartbeat was the moment she started to believe and understand she was pregnant. She had the symptoms of course but this - this was a living proof that there really was something precious inside of her, nurturing on her very existence. As Bella moved the probe around a various of different images appeared on the screen, nothing she could understand ... until a tiny outline of what looked like a fetus appeared on the screen. "Is that?" Claire asked, surprised to be seeing her very own little baby on the screen.  
"Your baby!" Bella said happily and gave them both a big smile. "It's not much now but from now on it will only grow bigger. It's already starting to look like a baby, as you can see" she continued and went through the whole uterus one more time.  
Suddenly Claire felt Alex's hand on top of hers and as she looked to her side, she got met by a tearful Alex, too tied up to the screen. She couldn't help but smile at him. She squeezed his hand, knowing just how lucky she was that he was going to be the father of her child. Her squeeze made him look her way and her contagious smile made him send her one as well.  
"I've just tried to measure the little wonder in here and it looks like you are 9 weeks pregnant. Does that add up to when you last had your period?" Bella asked and seeked Claire's attention. She thought about her question but to tell the truth, she wasn't really a hundred percent sure. "I'm not sure - I guess?" Claire said and gave her weird smile. "We are just gotta put down 9 weeks here, I'm pretty sure in my case" Bella said and scribbled down nine weeks on her chart. "I'll freeze the picture on the screen for you to look at, while I go get your copies. It'll just take a minute. You can dry yourself off with this" she spoke again and gave Claire a couple of napkins to dry her stomach free from the leftover gel, before she left the room.  
The room was silent for a moment before Alex took in a deep breath and breathed out again. He was still holding Claire's hand, he hadn't even noticed it, too busy what he was seeing on the screen.  
"Is this really our baby?" he asked and looked at Claire like he couldn't believe it. She smiled and took a look on the screen and then she looked back at him. "It is" she said with a big grin on her face and felt a couple of tears run down her cheeks. "I've never been so happy before, Claire" Alex spoke again and stroke a lock of hair behind her ear. She smiled at him gently, feeling the exact same way as him. Alex kept stroking her hair, none of them took their eyes off each other - both taking in that amazing moment of realising they were going to be parents. Before Alex could think it over he found himself leaning his head closer to Claire and then, he planted a soft kiss on her lips. It sent a wave of butterflies through her body and she knew she shouldn't do it but she kissed him back. It wasn't for long but long enough for her mind to go crazy and yell at her to pull herself away but she didn't - he did.  
He looked surprised at her as he did so, like he couldn't believe what he just did. "I'm ... sorry, I shouldn't have" he said with panic in his voice. He didn't meant to ruin the moment, he knew Claire didn't want him that way but he was just feeling so overwhelmed and happy about it all, that the kiss just happened.  
"It's okay, don't worry about" Claire answered and tried to give him a smile but she was just as thrown back about what just happened that it was hard. She quickly moved her focus from him and to her stomach with the remaining gel still on. With a couple of moves she got it all off and she placed herself on the edge of examination couch.  
"I didn't mean to do it" Alex said, trying to apologise again for his behaviour. "Alex it's fine. It was just - a happy kiss, nothing more to it" Claire said and gave him a comforting smile, one she couldn't keep up for long. The same wanting and longing came to her - She wanted more, much more but she just couldn't. She was too afraid to admit that the kiss had meant everything to her just now and that her longing grew bigger as he pulled away again.  
"Yeah, okay" Alex said and nodded with a smile. It was more to him than just a happy kiss but he could pretend, if that was what Claire wanted it to be.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18 - It Has Been Nothing But Weird**

She parked the ute in front of the house and stopped the engine. She took a moment to herself to prepare for the next couple of hours, thinking of why she said yes to this in the first place. She sighed, took her hands of the wheel and placed them on her stomach. Yeah, this was the reason. She smiled at the thought of what the future would bring - There was still some time to go, she had only just hit 12 weeks but for every week that passed, it was like she grew just a bit more. You still couldn't see she was pregnant, unless you knew - Then the tiny bump was pretty obvious.  
"Hi!" A happy voice said as the door to the ute opened. She quickly got pulled out of her thoughts as his voice reached her. She turned her head and got met by a smiling Alex, just as happy as his voice made him out to be. His smile was contagious and she couldn't help but draw out one herself, even though she really didn't feel like she had anything to be smiling about. Dinner with the Ryans - That never ended well.  
"Are you ready?" Alex asked and took a step away from the ute, so Claire could get out. He already knew the answer to that but he had to ask. It wasn't like he usually looked forward to these kind of dinners but he had an urge to show just how happy he was - and the fact both Liz and Harry got over the moon when he told them he was going to be a father, gave him a bit of hope for a calm and quiet dinner.  
"As ready as I'll ever get" Claire said and frowned at his question, making him smile even more. "It'll be okay, they are so thrilled about all of this" Alex said and closed the door to the ute before guiding her towards the house. "Yeah, that's what's worry me" Claire said and took in a deep breath as they crossed the court to the house.  
They walked through the long hall and into the living room. The big window section already revealed both Harry and Liz, but also Nick around the pool table. All the way out there she wanted to turn around a run away from the dinner. She was feeling so nervous and anxious about everything - She just knew how Harry was like and she doubted they could go more than a couple of minutes with a peaceful dining.  
Liz's face lit up as Alex and Claire made their way to the table through the chilly grass. "Oh, Claire!" she said and covered her mouth as if she was surprised. "It's so good to see you" she continued as she walked towards her. She embraced her in a hug, leaving Claire feeling out of place. They never hugged. As Liz pulled herself away, their eyes met and it was clear to Claire that she had never seen her this happy before. Somehow it made her feel proud. It wasn't only her and Alex who got a precious gift, it was also Harry and Liz. "Please come sit, the dinner is ready anytime now" Liz said and made way for them to take a seat at the table. Harry nodded as Claire pulled out her chair. He never changed, always having this harsh vibe around him but deep down there probably was some good in him. "Harry" Claire said and gave him a nod back. They never really greeting properly, always just a name and a nod - handshake if it had to be formal but not more than that.  
Nick smiled at her from across the table, knowing how Claire must feel like being here. She wasn't at ease, it was pretty clear but he really couldn't blame her - Even he didn't know how a normal dinner with the family would play out. That kinda depended on Harry's agenda for the day.  
"I must say - You took us all by surprise there" Harry said and pointed his head towards Claire's almost non-existing bump. "We didn't think we were going to have a grandchild in the near future" Harry spoke again and shared the same happy smile with Liz. "Oh, we have to toast to that!" Liz said and handed out the glasses that had been placed in the middle of the table. "Dom Perignon and homemade juice for the mommy-to be" Harry said with a wide smile as he filled the glasses around the table.  
"Oh, this is a good year" Liz said and smelled to the champagne in her glass. Alex and Claire looked at each other, sharing the same look, followed by a smile saying neither one of them knew what they had gotten themselves into exactly.  
"The news of a grandchild deserves the best!" Harry said as he placed the bottle on the table again. The word grandchild hit Claire all of the sudden - They were all going to be some sort of family and she wasn't sure how she felt about that and then she started to wonder how much they really knew about this whole thing.  
"To the third generation of the Ryans" Harry said and lifted his glass. Claire looked at Alex with a firm expression. She wasn't too keen on this whole Ryan thing. It was her child, well Alex's as well of course but she was a McLeod and her baby would be as well. Alex shook discreetly on his head, telling her to ignore him.  
"You didn't had to beat around the bush like that" Liz said after a sip of the champagne. "What do you mean?" Claire asked with a friendly smile and turned her focus to the other end of the table. "We didn't even know you were together before Alex told us the news about the pregnancy" her words made Claire turn to Alex. He hadn't told them how the things worked between them. "I didn't know what to say" Alex said with a low voice, followed by his most apologetic eyes he could find. Nick slowly started to laugh with a low voice, eager to see how they got themselves out of this one.  
Claire sighed and looked back at Liz. "We aren't … actually together" she said, well knowing how it sounded and what people like Liz thought of things like that. Liz frowned and went speechless, almost as she was processing what Claire just told her. Harry snorted from the other end of the table, making all of them turn their focus his way. "How is that working? You are pregnant, aren't you?" He asked just as thrown back as Liz.  
"Yeah, I am" Claire said collected, trying to strengthen herself for the next part of the conversation. "So you are pregnant but not together?" Liz asked. Claire sighed and looked at Alex with eyes begging to help her out.  
"We _was_ together in some way for a while but now we aren't" Alex said, hoping that would close the conversation but it didn't.  
"I don't understand" Harry said with a much firmer voice. "How are you going to take care of the kid if you aren't together?" he asked, still with the same frowned face.  
"Well .. We are just two really, _really_ good friends, raising a child together" Claire said and started to feel attacked on the choice they had made. "Lots of people do it" Claire continued and looked at them for just the tiniest piece of understanding. "Certainly not in my day" Harry said and grabbed his glass.  
"Oh Harry, we don't have to understand all these types of modern relationships" Liz said, noticing how angry Harry was starting to get. "It doesn't change the fact that Claire is carrying around a precious little granddaughter or son" she continued and placed her hand on top of Claire and gave it gentle clap. Claire gave her a smile as to say thank you but she knew Liz only said that to be polite, and that she was of the same opinion as Harry.  
"Why do you always have to ruin things, huh?!" Harry hissed at Alex and emptied his glass. "Oi, what's that supposed to mean?" Alex asked and gave his father a hard look. "You know what that means. You are always out and about with girls. No wonder you can't keep to just one" Harry said and kept his firm stare at Alex. Claire felt herself go small. Alex hadn't done anything wrong, it was her - It was her decision not to be together.  
Alex snorted and shook his head. He always did this - assumed everything was his fault, always. "Are you implying I cheated on Claire?!" Alex asked, outraged. He loved Claire more than anything, he would never do anything to hurt her.  
"You must have done something since she doesn't want you!" Harry answered and looked around the table hoping Nick or Liz would back him up, but they didn't they remained silent. "I think I'm done" Alex said and got up from the chair, without as much as look at any of them. "Off he goes again. Always running when there's trouble" Harry yelled to his back. It took everything in his power not to turn around and plant a fist right in his dads face. He had overstepped a boundary and he had had enough.  
Claire was left by herself, feeling the awkward tension slowly creep up on them around the table. She knew that what they were doing, before she got pregnant was a mess, but this had turned out to be so messier than she had thought. Why couldn't they have reacted the same way all of the others did, when they told them they was pregnant? She knew that wish had been too much to ask for. Liz and Harry was from the old school, they did things differently.  
"What did he do that was so bad?" Harry asked Claire. "Dad" Nick said, trying to prevent Claire from taking any hits from his father's angriness. Claire frowned at his question - Could he for once try not to assume the worse from his sons?  
"Who says he did anything?" Claire asked with a cold voice. She was feeling so angry on behalf of Alex. This wasn't a way to treat your own son, family for that matter. "He knocks you up and decided it's too much for him and run off, but he know he has to own up to his mess - is that what happened?" Harry asked again. "Dad that's enough" Nick said with a firm voice, seeing how uncomfortable both Liz and Claire was getting. Claire snorted and shook her head before she got up from the chair.  
"You don't know the first thing about any of your sons" she said and threw the napkin on her unused plate. "If you haven't already figured it out, Alex is thrilled to have this baby. He didn't run away from anything - He's been there more for me, than you ever has for them in your whole life!" Claire continued and turned around, ready to get out of there but she wasn't done. Harry had opened for the whole packaged and she felt ready to explode in any minute. "And that's a shitty way to be a family!" She said and locked eyes with Harry. "You have no part in how your sons turned out - And you can think twice if you ever think, that I will let you affect my child the same way you did with Alex and Nick!" her outburst had shut Harry up. He was blown away by her words. He had never seen her like this before but he wasn't even mad at her, in some way he gained more respect for her - Not that he liked being talked to this way but she really was Jack's daughter in every single way.  
"Thanks for dinner" Claire said as her final words before she turned her back towards them, ready to find Alex and tell him how a shit father he has.

"Alex are you in here?" Claire asked and gently knocked on his bedroom door and opened it before he could even answer her. "He makes me _so_ mad Claire" Alex said and looked at her with burning eyes. "I know" was all she said and made her way further into the room. She wasn't sure what to say or do, but she felt like she was the one to blame for Harry's outburst - If she had told them that it was her who didn't wanted a relationship, the fight probably wouldn't have escalated to this extend. Alex placed himself on the edge of his bed with a huge sigh. He couldn't even be surprised by Harry anymore and yet he still was. Claire looked around the room briefly, remembering last time she was up here. Things had changed so much since then. She took the few steps that was between her and the bed and placed herself beside him.  
"I'm sorry" she said and made him look confused at her. "For what?" he asked and frowned. "I should have said something down there - That it's me and not you" Alex shook his head at her. It had made no difference anyway, and he didn't wanted to have her beating herself up over it. "I'm just sorry we went to this. I should have known" Alex said and clapped her on her thigh and gave her a reassuring smile. "What are you gonna do?" Claire asked, noticing a bag of clothes on his floor. Alex looked at the bag and shrug on his shoulders. He wasn't really sure. "Guess I'll crash at Nick's" he answered and looked back at her and forced a smile. "Are there room enough for both of you there?"  
"Well, there's a couch - I don't need much" Alex said and looked back at the bag on the floor. Claire frowned and shook her head lightly. "I know you don't need much but you can't sleep on the couch for more than a couple of nights and then what?" her question started a spiral of thoughts in him. He probably had to start looking for a new place to stay but he never really thought about that - His whole life was at Killarney, it was all he had ever known for a home and a job. "I just know I can't stay here. Things will get more messy than they are and I can't do that to mum - We both need to cool down a bit" he answered, knowing him and Harry would keep ending up in one blow after the other after today. Claire looked around the room, trying to find a solution to his problems and then it hit her. They had a guest room at Drovers. It wasn't fancy but they could make it work for him, if he wanted to.  
"You know. We have a guest room at Drovers. Why don't you stay there for a bit?" Claire asked and gave him a comforting smile. At first he frowned. Was she really offering him to move in there?  
"I know it's a bit weird" Claire said, as Alex kept quiet. "But every single thing of this, has been nothing but weird" she continued and made Alex smile and send out a small laugh. "You got that right" he said and shook his head, making Claire laugh as well. "Are you sure?" he asked and looked at her with serious eyes. Considering their past, it might wouldn't be as easy as they wanted it to be. She gave him a smile and nodded on her head. "I'm sure. Beside - It will be easier with the training and we _are_ having a child together. It makes sense" she said and watched his smile get even bigger. "Thank you" he said, happy to know he had such an amazing woman in his life - She just proved yet again, how lovable she really was.  
"I'll make sure to help out around the place" he continued and pulled her in for a hug. "Yeah, like you have choice not to" Claire said, making him laugh and shake his head.  
"Right" he snorted and felt Claire starting to laugh as well. They sat like that for a couple of minutes. Just laughing and finding comfort in each other's company, as they had so many times before.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19 -** _ **You**_ **Are Amazing**

"How are you finding everything in here?" she asked and got in sight at the door. "Yeah fine - Thanks for letting me stay here" he said and threw his akubra on the bed and quickly tighten up the pieces of clothes he had managed to get all over the place, during the couple of hours he had been there. "Did Nick take off already?" Claire asked, still standing in the doorway. "Yeah, he did" Alex answered and gave her a smile, which she returned. "You know" he said and walked closer to her. "He told me what you said to Harry. Thank you"  
Claire snorted and looked to the floor and then back at him with a shy smile on her face. She had no idea what happened back there but she just exploded, and she couldn't stop herself. "Well, he deserved it" Claire said and walked further into the room. "The hell he did" Alex replied making her laugh. She walked by him and stopped at the window to look at the view from the room - She was rarely in there but it was pretty much the same she could see from her room. She looked at the night sky and smiled for herself - She always loved this time of day, especially out here. The stars always shined brighter than anywhere else she had been.  
"What are you smiling at?" Claire suddenly asked, noticing Alex was staring at her with a huge smile. "I just realised that you can see something now" he said, enchanted by her. It wasn't much but the little bump was slowly growing bigger. And when she stood with her side to him like that in a fitted top - it was pretty clear and you couldn't miss it. "What?" She asked confused but then realised where he was looking. "Oh, yeah" she said with a smile on her lips and looked down herself. She hadn't really thought it was this clear before he mentioned it.  
"It already looks much bigger than last week" he said and walked closer to her. "Can I?" he asked happily, wanting to feel her stomach. Claire nodded without saying anything and just after she felt his hand on her stomach. Even though it was outside her top, she could still feel the warmth travel through the layer. His touch made her body at ease, like all tension instantly left her and she was taken back. Back to what they had, remembering just how wonderful it really was, even though it hadn't been easy and it ended up in one big mess. Alex kept his hand on her stomach, captured by what he was feeling - He still couldn't believe he was going to be a dad. "It's amazing" he finally said and looked back up at her and met her eyes. Claire hadn't taken her eyes off him the entire time, and when their eyes met the same old spark got lit - and it felt like it was burning stronger now than ever, despite the last couple of months. " _You_ are amazing" he said with a low voice, feeling himself getting pulled towards her. Before he could think straight, he leaned in slow - giving her enough time to stop him, if that's what she wanted but she didn't. He moved his hand from her stomach to her waist, carefully tightened the grip around her and pulled her closer before he sealed the embrace with a long soft kiss.  
He was just as surprised as Claire was when their kiss ended. She hadn't stopped him, even though he gave her time to do so and she didn't stop the kiss either - in fact, she kissed back. Claire was surprised by the fact her body didn't feel the need to pull away, and her mind didn't yell at her to stop what she was doing. At once it was like she wasn't afraid anymore - All the fear she had carried around all this time had disappeared. The only thing she felt when they kissed was a warm feeling, leaving trails of longing and hope as it traveled through her body.  
"You kissed me back" Alex said surprised, not knowing how to react to the whole situation. "Yeah … I'm sorry" Claire answered, feeling like she should apologise. She wasn't sure about this and last time things didn't end well. "I better go" she said and made her way to the door. She looked back at him one more time before leaving the room.  
"Claire" Alex suddenly said and followed her out into the hallway. She couldn't go, he didn't wanted her to. "Yeah?" she answered and turned around. Their eyes met again and in that moment they both knew they couldn't fight it any longer, she couldn't fight it - even if she wanted to she had to admit defeat. With a couple of quick steps he made his way over to her, pulled her close and locked lips with her once again. Their kiss was strong, deep and electrifying and yet as soft as anything they had ever experienced before.  
"Don't reject me again" Alex said short breathed in between their kisses. His words stirred something inside of her. Hearing him say it made her realise how foolish she had been and lucky that he hadn't moved on, and just given up on her. As an answer she intensified their kiss, knowing she wouldn't miss another chance of happiness with the one person that ever really meant anything to her.  
He tightened his grip around her and gently lifted her up, making sure not to break their kiss. She locked her legs around him and folded her hands around his neck, letting herself getting captured by the moment. Without much thought he walked the few steps to her bedroom. He fumbled with the handle before he finally got it open, too busy making sure nothing would ruin that sweet moment. He felt a longing and passion deeper than he had ever felt before - He wasn't sure what had changed, he still loved her the same but perhaps it was the fact that he now knew, what they had managed to create together.

He hadn't done much sleeping that night. Half the night he had used holding her tight and the other half he had been staring at her and done nothing but smile. He felt so incredibly happy and in love - A feeling he had never experienced before.  
A slight movement from under the covers made him put his weight on his arm, just enough to check if she still had her eyes closed. "I can feel you looking at me" Claire said with a sleepy voice making Alex smile. She turned around and gave him a big grin as she met his eyes. "Good morning" he said with a low voice and leaned down on her to give her a gentle kiss. She let out a mmh sound as he pulled away, partly to respond to the kiss and partly to let him know his good morning had been heard. "How did you sleep?" He asked and placed his arm on her waist, making sure he didn't break their glance.  
"Good, considering I didn't get much sleep - but It was really wonderful" she answered and felt a bit shy, thinking about the night they had shared. They had slept together a lot of times by now but this time it was different - It was almost as it was the first time all over again. "Yeah?" Alex said flirtatiously and pulled her closer. He planted a gentle kiss on her mouth and pulled away again. Claire nodded and made herself comfortable on the pillow.  
"You don't think that we, eh" Alex stopped. He actually felt a little uncomfortable asking about this but he felt like it was a legit question, he knew nothing about how a pregnancy worked. "I don't think that we what?" Claire asked and tried not to laugh at his uncomfortableness. "You know. Like .. hurt the baby"  
"By having sex?" Claire asked and couldn't help her smile getting bigger. "Well, yeah" she couldn't hold her laugh in any longer - It was such a sweet thought in some way. "No, don't worry - Everything is fine" Claire said and stroke his cheek. "What do I know?" Alex asked as Claire couldn't stop laughing at him - but it didn't take long before he draw out a little laugh himself. Maybe it was a stupid question.  
As the laughing wore off Claire sat up in the bed and tucked the blanket around herself even tighter. She looked at the clock on the bedside table - It was time to get up and start thinking of breakfast. She frowned for herself and hoped this morning would be different from the others. It wasn't like she had any major morning sickness but somehow it always came sneaking up on her, whenever she tried to eat breakfast the last week or so. She had tried different things for breakfast, hoping that she could at least get something down but so far there had been no luck.  
"Breakfast is on in 10 minutes" Claire said and looked over her shoulder. "So, should I just wait here until the rest are gone?" He asked sarcastically. Claire shook her head and smiled - she deserved that one. "I think" she said and kissed him on his cheek. "You should get dressed and walk downstairs with me"  
"Yeah?" He asked almost as he was surprised. She nodded. She was more than ready to take this step - she had wasted too much time on being stupid. "How do we tell them?" Alex asked and moved closer to her, kissing her bare shoulder. His stubbles tickled on her skin and she couldn't help but move under his touch. "I reckon they'll see for themselves" she said and let out a small laugh from the tickling.  
"I like the sound of that!" Alex said with a big smile and with a swift move he got her on her back. He rested his upper body in his arms as he studied her face, her smile, every little detail. She send him a gentle smile and a look to match, thinking off how much she loved him and how much she was looking forward to the future. Even though things didn't go as planned, she just knew everything had happened so this exact moment could exist. "Alex" she suddenly said with a soft, yet firm voice. He answered with a mmh and moved her hair away from her shoulder.  
"I love you" she said and kept looking him in the eyes. She didn't need to think it through, she did love him - more than anything and now seemed like the perfect opportunity to tell him, let him know that it was for real this time around. She was done running, hiding - she was ready to embrace whatever the cards threw their way.  
Her words made his smile even bigger and a set of butterflies set off in his stomach and found its way to his heart. It started to beat faster and a warm feeling slowly spread through his body. "I love you too. So very much" he said and leaned down on her to seal their love with a long deep kiss.

"Good morning" Claire said cheerful as her and Alex entered the kitchen. She made her way to the kettle with Alex behind her. "Coffee?" she asked and gave him a smile as she plugged in the kettle. "Bring it" he answered in the same cheerful voice as Claire. The others looked at each other and then at them. They were oddly happy this morning.  
"Here, let me" Alex said and reached for a couple of cups in the cabinet. "Thank you" Claire said, still with the same cheerful voice. Alex smiled at her and without thinking about it he placed his hand on the small of her back. It made her look at him with a smile before she turned her focus to the kettle in front of her again.  
"What is that?!" Tess asked as soon as she saw Alex's hand on her back. It made the rest of the girls look at Alex and Claire as well.  
Claire took one more look at Alex before she turned around to face the others with a smile on her face. "Alex and I … talked last night" she said and then stopped. They really didn't talk all that much but there was nothing that needed to be said. The action spoke louder than words in this case. "Wait a minute" Tess said before Claire could continue to speak. "Does this mean that the two of you, finally got your act together?" she asked hopeful.  
Claire looked to the ground with a shy smile on her lips and then back up at Alex. He smiled back at her, reading her eyes that let him know the hiding was officially over, for good. No more sneaking around, this was it. "Well, she finally realised she couldn't live without me" Alex joked, making Claire shake her head. "Oh yeah, like that was what happened" Claire snorted and let out a laugh. "Mmmh, yeah" Alex replied with a teasing smile.  
"I can't believe this. This is so great!" Tess exclaimed as Alex pulled Claire closer and gave her a kiss. "Yeah, it is great" he said with a low voice as their kiss stopped. He only had eyes for Claire and forgot everyone around them as they were drifting off into their own little bubble of being in love and happy.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20 - Womanly pass out**

"Are you alright?" Alex asked worried. He woke that morning by Claire rushing out of bed, running towards the bathroom. "No" she answered poorly with her arm resting across the toilet. She hadn't been affected much by morning sickness the first 4 months of the pregnancy, only at breakfast but she could just skip that meal and everything was fine but now it hit her with full force. She was almost 5 months pregnant and the last two weeks she'd been feeling so sick that she was starting to think it would last throughout the rest of the pregnancy. Alex smiled comforting to her back and walked into the bathroom. He found one of the washcloths under the sink and soaked it in cold water. "Let me see" he said caring and got on his knees next to her. He carefully dabbed the cloth around her face, hoping the coldness could put a damper on her feeling sick.  
"Are you feeling a little better?" he asked and moved her hair away from her face. "No. But it's really sweet still" Claire said with the same poor voice and gave him a thankful smile. He smiled back at her, wishing he could take some of her uncomfortableness - He hated seeing her like this and it was after all partly his fault. "I wish there was something I could … do" he said just as another round of sickness hit her. He sighed, feeling so helpless. He couldn't really do anything but tell her it would get better.  
"Alex?" Claire asked and then tried to keep herself from throwing up again. "Can you take the morning training? I'm not sure I'm up to it" She continued as she established the coast was clear to talk for the moment. "Of course, don't worry about it aigh?"  
The last month had passed by quickly and the little bump, you could barely see had now grown into something much bigger. It wasn't massively huge yet but there was no denying she was pregnant - Claire was even starting to feel small kicks here and there, still too small for any of the others to really feel them but Alex was looking forward to when that day came. "You need me to do anything else?" he asked and smiled as stroke her hair. "Well, you could help me up" Claire said and slowly moved away from the toilet. Alex quickly got on his feet and took her hand supporting her on her way up from the floor. Claire turned around and took the few steps to the sink - feeling the need to get the awful taste out of her mouth. But just as she reached for the toothbrush everything started spinning and then everything went black. She could still hear Alex's worried voice calling her name in the distance but even that disappeared and the last she remembered was him calling for Tess.

"Everything seems fine" Jim said as he took off the monitor he had used to check her blood pressure. "I reckon you've been driving yourself a bit too hard for way too long" he continued and put the monitor back in it's bag. "But I'm fine right?" Claire asked, making sure nothing major was wrong with her. Jim sighed, having known Claire since she was a little girl he was well aware of her stubbornness and lacking skill of slowing down.  
"For now yeah. But it's not just you anymore" He said and looked at her bump. "You need to slow down and take a couple of days off"  
Claire laughed at him sarcastically. Like that was ever going to happen. "I can't. The Gungellan Show is only 4 days away. We have a horse in each race" Claire said, trying her best to make him understand. He sighed and looked back at Alex. "Talk some sense into her, will ya?" he said with a half smile and got up from the bed. Alex shook his head and returned the smile - They all knew talking some sense into Claire would take a great deal of effort.  
"Thank you for coming Jim" Meg said thankfully and made room to show him out. "Any time. Call me if there is any changes and Claire .." he said and turned around. "I'm serious. You need to look after yourself, okay?" he continued and left the room with a nod on his head. Claire rolled her eyes and sighed. Pregnant or not, they needed their horses to place in top 3 if they wanted to show people what they could do.  
"That's it" Tess said and walked to Claire's side, starting to tuck the blanket properly around her. "From now on I'm gonna be more in charge and you need to take some time off and not worry about a single thing." Claire's eyes got big. Not worry? How would that be an option if Tess was running the place. "No, don't say anything Claire" Tess said as she saw how Claire was about to speak. "You stay right here and I'm gonna find you something to eat" she continued and walked out of the room. Alex started to laugh seeing Claire's displeased look on her face. She really did hate this, didn't she?  
"It's not funny Alex" Claire said and crossed her arms and gave him a huffy look. He shook his head with a smile and placed himself on the edge of the bed. "She don't know what she is doing" she said and flung her arm the way Tess had disappeared.  
"Hey, It'll be fine. She knows more than you think" he said and grabbed her hand. "And she is right. So is Jim. You have been working yourself too hard and that has to stop"  
"But Alex" Claire said but he interrupted her. "No. No but. I'll finish up the training and get the horses ready for Gungellan. Don't worry. You need to think about you and the little fella in here" he said and stroke the bump gently.  
"Uuugh, okay" Claire said and gave up, thinking about the life she was caring. He was right - maybe she had been pushing herself too hard. He smiled at her, making it impossible to stay annoyed with him. "You feeling okay?" he asked and kept his stare. Claire nodded and reassured him with a smile.  
"Good. It was quite a faint back there" he said feeling worried. She had scared him to bits out in the bathroom and he had panicked the hell out of himself when she suddenly start to fall to the floor. He kept thinking how lucky it was that he had been there to prevent her from falling head first into the tiles.  
"I didn't faint" Claire said almost mortified.  
"You did" Alex said with a small laugh. Claire shook her head. She passed out, there was a difference. "I passed out"  
"Fainted" he continued knowing she took a hit to her pride at the moment.  
"Passed out"  
"Fainted"  
"A very womanly pass out then" he finally said and closed the distance between them and planted a gentle kiss on her lips. He was over that discussion, if she liked it or not - she fainted and there wasn't anything wrong with that. That just showed she wasn't as invulnerable as she thought herself.  
"I better get out there. Try and relax, will you?" he said and gave her a frowny look before he got on his feet. "It's not like I have something better to here anyway" Claire said huffy and rolled her eyes. He laughed at her as he made his way to the door. "Alex" she said making him turn. "Remember that Casino uses the blue socks and not the white and that he is responding more to the leg work and .."  
"Claire, I got it - Stop worrying" he said and cut her off before he walked out of the door. "Just make sure to use your legs more and please check up on Tess" Claire called to his back, feeling so helplessly lying around in bed when there was stuff that needed to be done.

After a couple of hours in bed and not being able to find any comfort cause her mind kept thinking about all the work out there, and what her and Alex still needed to get done she surrendered to the need of getting out there and check up on things.  
She swung her legs over the edge of the bed and with a little bit of struggle she got up. She kept sitting on the bed for a moment, gathering a bit more strength before she got on her feet. Being pregnant wasn't all that easy, especially not when her first trimester was without any troubles - she barely even knew she was pregnant. Second trimester was already starting to feel like a hazard and she was only half way into it, dreading how the last part of her pregnancy would take form. But as much as she was dreading it she was also looking forward to it, mostly to be holding their baby in her arms - and when time comes, it would all have been worth it.  
She smiled as she looked down at her stomach and gently ran her hand over it before she got up. She grabbed one of the shirts she knew she could still fit and a pair of old trackers. She hadn't been able to fit into her normal jeans for a good month and was starting to think, that the clothes shopping Tess had proposed would be a necessity sooner than later.  
"Oi, what are you doing up?" Alex asked from the back of Casino as she came in sight around the stables. "Checking that you are doing a good enough job" Claire said corky and placed herself against the fence next to Tess.  
"I thought you would be out playing the big boss" Claire said with a smile and gave her sister a teasing look. "Oh yeah, I am - Just taking a break" Tess said quickly. If she had to be honest she hadn't really done much around the place. She had been eager to get people to work, but all three of the girls had already done most of the things before she could even say anything - It was like they were 10 steps ahead of her.  
"I never take any breaks" Claire said and frowned at her before she moved her focus to Alex. "Yeah, and look where that have gotten you" Tess said with a smart remark, making Claire turn her focus to her sister again. Claire shook her head with a small smile, knowing she couldn't get a come back on that one. When did Tess start to be this corky?  
"Alex, the legs" Claire said and studied Alex riding carefully. "Yeah yeah, I'm on it" he said and stirred Casino around the barrel one more time.  
"I was thinking" Claire said without taking her eyes off Alex. "You know how you talked about new clothes?"  
"Yeah?" Tess said eagerly and a big grin started to appear on her face. Was she going shopping with Claire - _The_ Claire who couldn't care less about clothes and makeup?  
"Well … I'm starting to think I need some new clothes" Claire said and looked at her sister and then down herself. "Maybe just a bit" Tess said and started to laugh. "But I won't go into a million stores. In and out, okay?" Claire stated knowing how Tess was like with clothes. "In and out, I hear you" Tess answered and put her arm around Claire and hugged from the side. "We are going shopping for the first time!" she said happy.  
"Clothes picking. We are going to pick out clothes, that I can wear and work in" Claire corrected her. This wasn't going to turn into something big and massive. In and out, just as she expressed.  
"Alex, you gotta watch his steps - He is pulling you way too much!" Claire stated as Alex came riding past them. He sighed for himself. He was starting to get annoyed with her corrections. He was a good trainer, maybe not as good as her - he'd be the first to admit that but he wasn't bad, he did know what he was doing.  
He dismounted Casino and made sure his harness wasn't in the way for him to step on as he walked around freely. "Claire" Alex said and jumped the fence. "I love you, I really do but right now you are driving me crazy" he continued as he got on the other side. He put his arm around her and pulled her away from the fence and started to walk away from the horse ring. "Please move that sweet bum of yours back inside and let me work my magic out here, aigh?" he said and gave her a sweet smile. "But" Claire said and wanted to turn around again. She hadn't seen all she needed to see.  
"No but" Alex said and kept her from going back to the ring. "It's so boring inside, you have no idea!" Claire said and put on the best huffy face she could. Alex started to laugh a little and then he tightened his grip around her before he stopped walking. "I think Meg put a plate of apricot chicken in the fridge last night" he said, knowing Claire was craving it day in and day out. It was all she wanted to eat and almost could eat without feeling sick. "Hmm" escaped Claire as she was going over what he just said. The apricot chicken was pulling in her heavily. "That's what I thought" Alex said and smiled, as he send her off with a gentle push and a clap in her bum.  
"It really bugs her, doesn't it?" Tess asked as he came back to the ring. "Yeah, it does" Alex said, feeling for her. He knew it wasn't her lying around all day and not doing anything but it was only for a few days - She could get back out there as long as she took it slow.  
"Hey, when are you moving in?" Tess asked cheerful as he started to climb the fence. He looked at her from the other side and frowned at her question. "I'm already in, aren't I?" he asked confused. He had been living at Drovers for the last 8 weeks, ever since the day Claire told him they had a guest room - He never really got to use the guest room but that was a different story. "Yeah but I mean officially. You are still living in your bags"  
"I guess we really haven't talked about that" Alex said and chewed on her question again. "You should" was all Tess said before she left him with a smile on her face. He kept still for a moment, watching her walk away while he thought it over. Maybe a talk about it wouldn't hurt - just to get it out there. He did see himself as living on Drovers but as Tess pointed out, he was still living in his bags. Yeah, he would need to talk with Claire about that, he thought and went back to the training of Casino.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21 - Bubbles and True Love**

"Mmh, come here" Alex said as Claire placed herself on the bed, ready to call it a day. He pulled the blanket aside so she could crawl in next to him, and as soon as she was at his side he covered her up and pulled her into his arms.  
"How are you feeling?" he asked and gave her a couple of kisses on the top of her head, still thinking about what happened this morning. "I'm fine Alex, stop worrying so much" Claire said and looked up at him. "I know, I'm sorry. I just want everything to be okay" he said and smiled at her.  
"It is okay" She said and gave him a reassuring smile. Somehow she didn't put as much into her passing out as the rest did. She felt fine now, it was just a blackout. Sure she understood she had to take more care but she wasn't sick or anything.  
"Good! I'd like to keep it that way" he said and caressed her belly gently. He still had trouble believing there was a living human being growing inside of her - it amazed him what the human body was capable of doing. "Oi!" he suddenly exclaimed and looked at her with big eyes. Claire started to smile, knowing he had felt those bubble-like kicks, she had been alone to experience up until now.  
"Was that a .. "  
"Kick? Yeah" she said and felt another round of bubbles appear inside of her. She couldn't help but smile even more seeing how excited Alex was. "Here" she said and moved his hand to the other side of the belly. "It's … It's amazing, Claire" He said and looked at her with a big grin on his face. For the first time he felt the life sign of his baby, that only Claire had been feeling so far. It was indescribably.  
"That's really our baby moving in there?!" he asked. He still couldn't believe it. "It is" Claire said with a laugh, loving the moment - taking everything in. She could treasure it for a lifetime. "I can't wait to meet junior in here" Alex said and looked at Claire, like he was more in love than ever. She stroke his cheek before she leaned her head closer to him and rested it on his shoulder. She was feeling blessed, lucky and happy - all at once. It was an incredible gift and experience and the best part was, that she got to experience it with Alex.  
"Alex?" She asked after a while and looked up at him. He smiled as their eyes met, letting her know he was listening. "Sorry for today - I know you are a good trainer" she said and gave him a apologetic smile. It wasn't easy for her to let others take control but she wanted to get better at it - but for the first time in her life she didn't had to do everything herself and that was quite hard to adjust to.  
Alex took in a deep breath and squeezed her tight. "It's okay" he said and rested his head on top of hers. "I know it's not always easy, but I hope you know you can lean on me" he said and moved his hand up and down her arm with light strokes.  
"I know" Claire said, moved away from him and sat up facing him. "I really do know, Alex. I know I don't always show it but I'm so thankful for everything you do" she spoke again and gave him a gentle smile. He returned the smile and moved closer to her. "You know how beautiful you look right now?" he said and moved a lock away from her face. His heart still skipped a beat everytime she smiled at him - he could look at her forever and never get tired of seeing that face of hers. She was perfect, in every way and the glow around her from the pregnancy only added to it. "Stop" she said shy and blushed. Why was she still not used to hearing him talk about her like this?  
"I love that I make you blush like this" he said and smiled at her heartily. He let out a deep breath and tilted his head. "Why did we take so long?" he asked with a low voice merging his hand with hers. He had loved her for as long as he could remember - but he haven't had the courage to tell her. Claire looked up at him and met his eyes - and in that moment it was like they saw each other for the first time, saw each other for all they were. An unexplained connection embraced them, forged the invisible bond between them together in a tight knot that couldn't be untied. She gave him the same heartily smile as he had her and crawled her way over to him.  
He studied her as she placed herself in his arms, letting them protect her. A warm feeling rushed through his body as she rested her head on his chest. Her hair smelled like berries and he couldn't help but take in a deep breath of her sweet scent. "Do you know how much I love you?" he asked. His confession made her smile and she tightened her grip around his arm - He was truly the one. She became more and more in love with him from each day. She had never felt a love this great before, and neither had he. Claire moved her head and looked up at him. He smiled at her, sending off an explosion of butterflies in her stomach. "I love you too" she said with a low voice and a warm smile found its way to him. Gently he lifted her chin up and planted a soft long kiss on her perfectly shaped lips. He would never leave. He had everything he had ever wanted.  
"Claire?" Alex asked after a while of just holding her. "Mmh" she answered with her eyes closed, embracing the sweet feeling of love that was consuming her.  
"I think we should move in together" Alex said making Claire frown. "I thought you were in already?" she said and pulled herself out of his arms to face him. "Well you know, make it official" Claire smiled at him - How did she get this lucky? It was a question she had asked herself a couple of times by now. Maybe the knight in shining armor actually did exist. Maybe it wasn't just in the fairytales that existed. He for one was her knight, no doubt there.  
"Say something" Alex said and returned the smile as he pushed to her arm, trying to get her to stop smiling. Not that it was a bad thing but a straight answer wouldn't hurt.  
"You sure you wanna move in?" Claire asked looking doubtful at him. "It's not just me your getting - it's everyone" she continued.  
"I don't mind" Alex said with an even bigger smile. "It can get pretty crazy and there's only one bathroom" Claire continued, trying to make him realise what he was getting himself into. "I _know_ " he said firmly and frowned. "I can handle all the craziness in the world, the waiting to get a shower, the constant talk around the breakfast table, the constant 'Things Alex Ryan do not need to know'-talks around the breakfast table - I can deal with it all. And you know why?" he finished and moved closer to her. Claire shook her head and studied him as he came closer, only inches apart. "Because I will be waking up with you everyday and _that_ is the only thing .." he stopped and leaned his head closer to her and kissed her softly on her lips "That matters" he continued and looked at her with a soft smile. She returned it, feeling all mushy from his confession.  
There was nothing she'd rather would, than to wake up with him by her side everyday.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22 - So Is**

"What about this?" Tess asked and pulled out a black dress. "No!" Claire said and gave her sister a 'are you kidding me'-look. "But what are you gonna wear at the Gungellan show tomorrow?" Tess asked to Claire's back, who was already on her way away from the dresses. "Not that" Claire said with a frown. She couldn't believe Tess would even consider having her wear a dress.  
"So you just gonna wear a shirt and jeans then?" she asked and followed Claire in and out of the clothes racks. "That's what I always wear?" Claire said and looked back at Tess with a weird look on her face. "Yeah but, you are pregnant now and maybe it would be nice to dress up a bit"  
"Tess" Claire said with a firm voice and turned around. "I need clothes I can work in, not a dress to show off. Now come on, I need to meet Alex at the nurses office in 30 minutes, so let's go" She said and took off across the store. Her eyes had spotted just what she needed. Jeans and shirts. Tess followed huffy behind her. What was wrong with her sister? She was the least womanly woman she had ever meant in her whole life - and that said a lot. " _This_ is perfect" Claire said with a satisfied smile and pulled out a simple white t-shirt from the rack. "I'll just need a couple of these and then I'm good to go" she said with a huge smiles. Tess sighed heavily as Claire walked off with her hands full of shirts. Did she really need two in each color?  
"Maybe you could just .. try it out" Tess said referring to the dress earlier. "Cut it out Tess" Claire said firmly but she soon saw the disappointed look on her face - She already cursed herself for what she was about to say but Tess really had a way of making her feel bad about the stupidest things. "Okay - Get the damn dress then will ya?" Claire said rolling her eyes. Tess's face lit up and she had to restrain herself from clapping her hands together. "But I'm not trying it on!" Claire yelled to her back and placed the handful of clothes at the check-out.

"What you got there?" Alex asked with his arms open as Claire and Tess crossed the road to their parked utes. "Just some shirts and jeans" Claire answered with a smile. "And a dress!" Tess said with a cheeky smile on her face. Alex looked surprised at Claire - He couldn't remember if he had ever seen her in a dress.  
"A dress? When am I going to see that on" he asked flirtatiously placing his hand on the small of her back. "Never?" Claire said and threw the bag of clothes on the back seat of Alex's car as it was nothing.  
"Come on, we're late" She said and closed the door. She didn't feel like digging around in the dress topic anymore. It was bad enough Tess actually made her buy it. Alex and Tess shared the same look of hopelessness, both shaking their heads at her with a smile.  
"I'm just gonna take the ute back to Drovers then" Tess said. "Sounds good" Claire said and looked at Alex ready to get going.  
"Just wait to you see that dress" Tess whispered to Alex but it was still loud for Claire to hear. She turned around and gave her sister a firm look, telling her to cut it out. "See you later Tess" Claire said firmly and took Alex hand, dragging him along the parking lot. "I better go where grumpy goes" Alex joked making Tess laugh.  
"So, that dress"  
"Alex" Claire said strongly, letting him know she wasn't talking about this but he was of a different mind. "Come on Claire, I wanna see it" he said.  
"No" Claire said and stopped walking. "Why not?" Alex asked asked. Why couldn't she wear a dress? She was woman after all, nothing weird about that.  
"It's a dress" Claire said as it was the most obvious reason why it was such a big deal. "And?"  
"I don't wear dresses" Claire said with the same annoyed voice. "Now, we are gonna be late, so come on" she continued and put up her walk again pulling Alex hand. He couldn't help but laugh for himself. He would like to think he knew exactly what she was thinking, most of the times he did but there was times, like now, with the dress, where he simply couldn't grab his head around what was going on in her mind.

"This sure is a difference from last time we looked in here huh?" Bella said happy and looked at at both of them with a smile before studying the numbers on the screen. "Yeah" Claire answered with a big smile - It certainly was. Last time it merely looked like a baby but now everything was clear. The toes, the fingers - everything was on that monitor.  
"You starting to feel any light kicks?" Bella asked moving the probe around on her belly. "I've been feeling some bubbly kinda kicks, I guess you could say"  
"Oh, that's fantastic isn't it? and what about dad, is he feeling anything yet?"  
"I felt a little bit of movement last night actually" Alex answered and looked at Claire, prouder than she had seen him before. "When do you reckon the real kicks set in?" Alex asked, eager to feel even more of his baby that was moving around inside of Claire. "In a couple of weeks. It shouldn't be too long now" Bella said and moved her focus to them again. "Now, it was still too early to determine anything last time you were here but you are 20 weeks pregnant now and the gender shows at 15. So the big question is, do you want to know?"  
Claire and Alex looked surprised at each other. They hadn't even thought about that before she brought it up. "Do you wanna know?" Claire asked. "Only if you wanna know" Alex said with a smile. He didn't really care about the gender as long as it was healthy and doing fine. "Well, I don't think that I do" Claire said, trying to figure out if Alex really wanted to know the gender or if he was onboard. "We don't want to know then" Alex said and smiled at Bella. "We'll keep it as a surprise" she said and turned off the monitor.  
"You know the drill" she said and gave Claire a couple of napkins to dry her stomach with. "This is so crazy" Alex said and kissed her hand. "Last time we was here your belly was hardly there and now - I mean, look at it" he said and looked at her and then back at the bump. "Yeah, tell me about it" Claire said with a half smile and placed herself on the edge of the examination couch. Alex smiled at her, knowing what a huge transformation her body was going through, also knowing that it wasn't the easiest thing in the whole world. He admired her a lot for blessing him with this.  
"You are the greatest woman I've ever known" He said and got up from the chair and kissed her on the forehead. She smiled and pulled down her top before she put her arms around him. "You are pretty great yourself" Claire said and smiled for herself. They didn't have an easy start to any of this and still he sticked around, he didn't give up - even when everyone else would, he didn't.  
"Here's your souvenir to keep" Bella said and walked through the door with a couple of ultrasounds pictures in her hand. "Strong and healthy baby" she said with a smile.  
"Oh look, it got your chin" Alex said and pointed at the picture. Claire frowned and took it in her hand, carefully studying it. "Hmm, I don't know Alex" Claire said and gave him the picture back. She really couldn't see all that much of facial features yet.  
"Before you go" Bella said and stopped Claire from putting on her shirt again. "Jim mentioned he was by you the other day" Claire rolled her eyes at her - She really didn't need one more to check up on her. "Relax, I just want to know how you are feeling" Bella said seeing the obvious annoyment on Claire's face. "I'm fine. Everything's fine" Claire said and put on her shirt. "Good! Just remember to take it easy still" Bella said and smiled, letting her know she wasn't judging her or anything. "I will and thank you" Claire said, gave her a quick smile and made her way out of the door. People had to stop asking and pampering so much, it made her feel vulnerable and nothing like herself.  
"She was only asking" Alex said putting up his pace behind her. "Yeah well, I'm tired of people asking" Claire said and waited impatiently for him to open the ute. "What?" he asked and walked to her side. "Nothing. Could you open the door?" Claire said annoyed.  
"Hey, what's going on?" her sudden change of mood came from nowhere, or so it seemed. "Alex, the door" Claire said with a much more firm voice.  
"Not before you tell me what's going on" he said and moved closer to her. "Nothing's going on. Can we just get home?" she said and sighed. He gave her the look telling her he wasn't going to drop it, even if that meant they had to stay there the rest of the day. Claire breathed out, hating the fact he saw straight through her - maybe it wasn't as hidden as she thought but others would at least let it go when asked to.  
"I just hate people constantly ask me how I'm doing, how I'm feeling, If I need anything - It's all I've heard the last 3 days!" Claire bursted out. "They only ask because they care" Alex said and gave her a comforting smile. "Yeah well, they could care a little less" Claire said and looked to the ground. "You don't mean that"  
"Yeah I do .. A little bit" Claire said and looked back up with a huffy look on her face. "I knew things would change, obviously they had to" she said and looked at her belly. "I just didn't thought people would look at me differently - It's like I'm some prized possession they have to look after" she continued and started to cry a little.  
"You _are_ a prized possession. _My_ prized possession" Alex said and took the last steps that kept them from each other. He pulled her close and forced her to look at him, even though she tried not to - She hated showing weakness, and crying was a weakness.  
"All that matters is that you and our little child in there" he said and placed his hand on her belly "is doing as good as possible. Aigh?" he said and smiled gently at her. She sighed and returned his smile. He was right, again. She was nurturing another life, she couldn't blame people for taken an interest.  
"Now, about that dress" he said after a while, mostly to lighten the mood a little. "No, forget it" Claire said and reached for his keys in his back pocket and locked herself into the car with a half smile and a shook on her head. He had to let it go - why did she ever let Tess talk her into buying it? It was just gonna sit in the back of her closet anyway, waste of money - money she could have used on more shirts and jeans.  
"I'm holding you to it" Alex said with a teasing laugh and jumped in the ute next to her. "Holding me to what? There's nothing to hold me to" Claire said and confused and buckled her seatbelt.  
"You can't buy a dress and expect me not to see it, ever" Alex said and started the car. "If you wanna see it that bad, take a look in the bag" Claire said cheeky. "You aren't getting off that easy - I wanna see it. _On_ you"  
"Not gonna happen" Claire stated. "It so is" Alex laughed and drove out of the parking lot.  
"So not"  
"So is"  
"Not"  
"Is"  
"Just drive the damn car, will ya?!" Claire said with a smile and turned on the radio. No more dress talking, ever.


End file.
